The Critic (TV Series)

The Pilot (1994)

Maurice LaMarche: Jeremy Hawke, Additional Voices

Quotes 

• Parking Lot Attendant : Hey mister, why does your car say "King Dork?"

  Jay Sherman : Uh, I bought it from King Dorkenheiser of Finland.

  Parking Lot Attendant : I thought Finland was a constitutional democracy.

  Jay Sherman : Just park the car!

• Jeremy : Bubbie, never marry an actress. And never do blackface at the NAACP Image Awards... two things I've learned from experience.

• Jay Sherman : Welcome to "Coming Attractions." Tonight we'll be reviewing "Family Affair: The Motion Picture." Just look who got eight million dollars to play Mr. French.

  Marlon Brando : Buffy, Jody, for your lunch I have made peanut butter and banana sandwiches.

  Buffy : Would you make a sandwich for my doll, Mrs. Beazley?

  Marlon Brando : Yeah, sure. That's exactly what I feel like doing. Of course I can get together a little sandwich for your stupid little doll. Hang on a second.

• Jeremy : Jay, we have a saying in Australia... well, it's not really a saying, it's a drinking song. It's about a bottle of beer and the men who loved her... and it doesn't really apply here, but my advice to you is: slow down.

• Jay Sherman : Please you've got to tell me, did a beautiful woman leave my apartment?

  Doorman : I wouldn't know, I've been drinking in the alley all morning.

• Jay Sherman : Why are you telling me this?

  Jeremy : Because you're the only decent guy I've met in this dreadful country. I love you, mate.

  Jay Sherman : Wow, that's twice in one day!

  Vlada Villamiravitch : I love you too!

  Jay Sherman : You just love my money.

  Vlada Villamiravitch : That is true, but it is a love that will never die.