The Critic (TV Series)
A Little Deb Will Do You (1994)
Jon Lovitz: Jay Sherman
Quotes
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[phone rings]
Jay Sherman : Hello?
Doris : Jay, it's Doris. I'm at the morgue. Could you come down and tell 'em I'm not dead? They don't believe me!
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Jay Sherman : This film gets my highest rating - seven out of ten.
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Jay Sherman : You are an insipid, walking commercial, and your cereal turned my urine pink!
Humphrey the Hippo : Well, you have to eat six bowls for that to happen!
Jay Sherman : Yes, yes, and a gallon of chocolate milk. But that's not the point.
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Margo : Debutant balls are outdated, elitist, and sexist. You said so yourself in your review of Boyz n the Hood.
Jay Sherman : Yeah, but I was really off a tangent that day.
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Duke Phillips : You know why nobody watches your show?
Jay Sherman : Because it's intelligent?
Duke Phillips : Well, that's one of your problems.
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[Eleanor is showing an old news reel featuring her coming out at a débutante ball and J. Edgar Hoover in drag]
Jay Sherman : Hey, look, Mom. You and Hoover came out on the same day.
Eleanor Sherman : Don't you say that about your Uncle Edgar!
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Jay Sherman : God love her, Mom, I couldn't change her mind. But you should be proud she has your will.
Eleanor Sherman : She may have my will, but she doesn't have my gun!
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Jay Sherman : I do have a way with women... over sixty.
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Duke Phillips : You know why nobody watches your show?
Jay Sherman : Because it's intelligent?
Duke Phillips : Well that's *one* of your problems.
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Jay Sherman : So run, don't mosey, to "The Tea Cozy," it really hits the spot!
[laughs]
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Jay Sherman : Hi Ma, how do you like the tux?
Eleanor : Oh, Jay, you look good enough to bury!
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[about to enter a limo]
Jay Sherman : And I want everyone to know before I get in that I had a big Mexican lunch.
Limo Driver : Hey, don't worry about it! I once drove James Coco home after a Texas chili cook-off.