Cheers (TV Series)

The Mail Goes to Jail (1985)

John Ratzenberger: Cliff Clavin

Photos 

Quotes 

• Cliff Clavin : [after Cliff comes into the bar during the middle of his postal route, carrying his mail bag]  As long as I'm carrying this bag, there's one thing that will never touch these lips.

  Carla Tortelli : You mean there's something that wants to?

• Cliff Clavin : All right, look, I'll call and see what the penalty is, but's it got to be anonymous.

  Ernie 'Coach' Pantusso : [to everyone in the bar]  OK, everybody in favor of Cliff calling, raise your hand.

  [everyone in the bar raises his/her hand] 

  Ernie 'Coach' Pantusso : It's anonymous.

• Cliff Clavin : What happened to the heat, Coach?

  Diane Chambers : Oh, some minor malfunction that no one here is skilled enough to even attempt to fix.

  Norm Peterson : Diane, I resent that, I'm kind of a handy guy; I'll have you know, just the other day, I uh, changed one of them, uh... what do you call them?

  Carla Tortelli : A lightbulb?

  Norm Peterson : Lightbulb, there you go!

• Norm Peterson : You know, Cliffie, these are all on my way home

  [holding mail to be delivered] 

  Norm Peterson : . Let me drop these off for you, Cliffie. I gotta go home anyway.

  Cliff Clavin : Naw, Norm. You're not trained. You're not qualified.

  Norm Peterson : What qualified? You drop them in a slot. A chimp could do it.

  Cliff Clavin : No way. They did a study at the University of Michigan. The chimps were 32% slower. Yeah, yeah, yeah, they were better with customer relations and everything, but...