- Mike Brady: [Alice quietly shoos Mike and Carol over to watch Kerry confront Greg and a disguised Marcia] What is it, Alice?
- Alice Nelson: Well, I'm not sure, but I think they're rehearsing for a teenage soap opera.
- Alice Nelson: I thought I'd make Peter a nice, gooey cake to help glue back his poor, broken heart.
- Carol Brady: Alice, you're the Dear Abby of the kitchen.
- Peter Brady: [storms into he family room from outside] Boy, do I have a rat for a brother!
- Mike Brady: Wait a minute. What's the matter with you?
- Peter Brady: Greg just hijacked my girl!
- Carol Brady: [confused] What?
- Peter Brady: He was supposed to help me impress her, not himself.
- Carol Brady: Well, where's Greg?
- Peter Brady: With Kerry. She was hanging all over him.
- Mike Brady: Well, what'd you do about it?
- Peter Brady: I left. What should I do, take pictures?
- Greg Brady: [Greg enters from outside] Hey, thanks for leaving me stuck with your girl.
- Peter Brady: Oh, you really looked like you were in pain. Thanks for stealing Kerry.
- Greg Brady: I didn't steal her.
- Peter Brady: Oh, so you just borrowed her without permission.
- Mike Brady: [holds his hands up] Hold it, you two. Wait a minute. Greg, what happened?
- Greg Brady: Dad, the whole thing was a misunderstanding. I tried to explain, but she wouldn't listen.
- Peter Brady: I bet you did.
- Greg Brady: Look, pal, I can't help it-- Oh, forget it, Good night, mom. Good night, Dad.
- [leaves the room]
- Carol Brady: Good night, Greg.
- Mike Brady: Good night.
- [Peter starts to leave]
- Mike Brady: Peter, wait a minute, wait a minute. You know, a guy can't always get a girl to like him. Maybe you'd better forget about this girl for now.
- Carol Brady: Honey, there's lots of other fish in the sea.
- Peter Brady: I know. But I got Moby Dick for a brother.