- Shawn Hunter: Oh, principal Feeny!
- Cory Matthews: No farm animals here!
- [Shawn and Cory laugh nervously]
- George Feeny: Yes, well, the day is young.
- Shawn Hunter: Hey, Cory! Remember that goldfish I used to have?
- Cory Matthews: The turtle?
- Shawn Hunter: Yeah!
- Topanga Lawrence: Look, Shawn, I'm not trying to be mean. I just don't think it's fair for him to be living in your apartment. He's a farm animal.
- Shawn Hunter: Yeah, well, according to my new book, "Farm Animals Make Great Pets"... Farm animals make great pets.
- Eric Matthews: Here you are, Mr. Feeny. A gift.
- George Feeny: Two box seats to tomorrow night's opera? Is this a bribe?
- Eric Matthews: Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. This isn't a bribe. This is, uh... This is me doing something nice for you, hoping that someday you'll do something nice for me.
- [coughs]
- Eric Matthews: Yale. Yale.
- George Feeny: Mr. Matthews, I will do something nice for you. Places like Yale embrace young people with culture.
- Eric Matthews: I like what I'm hearing, Mr. Feeny.
- George Feeny: Good. Then I'll pick you up at 7:30.
- Eric Matthews: Feeny say what?
- George Feeny: Feeny say 7:30.
- Shawn Hunter: I don't know why Topanga has a problem with this. I mean, nobody else does.
- Jonathan Turner: Hunter, I've got a problem with your pig.
- Eric Matthews: [Eric, in an attempt to bribe Mr. Feeny, is at an opera and is terribly bored] Mr. Feeny, I appreciate you helping me get into Yale and everything...
- George Feeny: Oh, Mr. Matthews, I couldn't get you into Yale. I couldn't get you into a Yale sweatshirt.
- Eric Matthews: Oh, well, excuse me, Mr. "I'll just take the tickets and not complete the other half of the deal."
- George Feeny: The only deal I've ever made with you is to be your teacher and friend. And with that, the responsibility to help make you a better person.
- Eric Matthews: Mr. Feeny, I don't want to be a better person. I just want to party with the girl on the raft.
- George Feeny: Yes, well, you won't be doing that at Yale.
- Eric Matthews: Guess I came here for nothing.
- George Feeny: Mr. Matthews, say you did meet that young woman on the raft. Or another woman just like her. And say that she had a passion for culture. Perhaps opera. Well, now, don't you see that after this evening you now have something to talk about?
- Eric Matthews: All right, Mr. Feeny, look. It's a nice try, it's a nice plan, but don't you see? This kind of stuff is lost on a guy like me.
- [Eric gets up to leave. He reaches the back of the balcony before "Ride of the Valkyries" begins to play]
- Eric Matthews: Wait, I know this. I know this. Bom-ba-da-bom bom, bom-ba-da-bom bom. This is Bugs Bunny!
- George Feeny: It's Wagner.
- Eric Matthews: No, no, we're talking cartoons here, Mr. Feeny. You're way out of your league.
- Victor: My name's Victor Lasalle. By law, I'm required to show you my badge.
- [He holds up his wallet]
- Cory Matthews: Wait a minute. That's your driver's license.
- Victor: I'm Animal Control. They don't give us badges.
- Victor: Is this really your pig?
- Jonathan Turner: No, no. My ark is outside, and I'm one pig short.
- Victor: All right, that's it. Hands over your head, we're going downtown.
- Jonathan Turner: You kidding me?
- Victor: Yes, I am. You know, two can play this sarcasm game.
- Eric Matthews: Mr. Feeny. Imagine finding you here.
- George Feeny: I live here.
- Eric Matthews: You stop that. Anyway, you know, I was thinking about what you said, about how you had friends at Yale, and I was wondering what it would take for a man like George Feeny to...
- [He not-so-subtly pulls an envelope out of his pocket and drops it on the ground]
- Eric Matthews: Oh, look what Eric dropped. Aren't you gonna pick that up?
- George Feeny: Why? Eric dropped it.
- Topanga Lawrence: You can't take this pig.
- Victor: Topanga Lawrence? Been going out with Cory Matthews for two months? I'm way overqualified for this job.
- Topanga Lawrence: After I spoke to you, I saw this ad in the paper for a lost pig. So I called its owners. Now you don't have to take him away. Isn't that great, Shawn?
- Cory Matthews: Why is it great?
- Shawn Hunter: Yeah, I still lose Little Cory. Doesn't matter who the owner is. It's not me.
- Topanga Lawrence: Here's the owner.
- [Mr. Turner enters]
- Jonathan Turner: Hi. Name's Turner. I got a place outside the city, and this little guy ran off. Belongs to my boy, Zed.
- Shawn Hunter, Cory Matthews, Victor: [incredulously] Zed?
- Victor: You know, that offer for the twenty foot boa? It's still good.
- Shawn Hunter: I'll think about it. You got a card?
- Victor: Yeah, right. I don't even have a badge.