- Ellis: Chill.
- Stuart Minkus: I don't understand what that means.
- Shawn Hunter: It means that 1 out of every 4 people is a nerd. So, when you look around this room and you don't see one, you're it.
- Cory Matthews: But, we can help you change.
- Stuart Minkus: Maybe I like how I am.
- Ellis: You like everyone always makin' fun of you?
- Stuart Minkus: No.
- Cory Matthews: You like always being the last one picked for teams?
- Stuart Minkus: No.
- Shawn Hunter: You like everyone pulling your underwear up your butt all the time?
- Stuart Minkus: [he thinks it over] It's not so bad.
- Contestant #5: [carrying the winner's trophy with her] What does a bat boy do?
- Contestant #6: I don't know.
- Cory Matthews: They hand players bats. Get it? Bat boy?
- Contestant #5: Well, who'd want to do that?
- Contestant #6: Yeah, what a stupid prize.
- Contestant #5: What ever happened to the Mercator projection pull-down wall map?
- Cory Matthews: [Cory smacks his hand onto his head repeatedly] I'm hitting my head. I'm hitting the northernmost part of my head.
- Eric Matthews: [explaining to Cory how Mom and Dad embarrassed him at the Aerosmith concert earlier that evening] Mom and Dad are dancing in the aisles.
- Heather: Come on, Eric. I think your parents are really cool.
- Eric Matthews: Oh, good, I'm the lucky boy with the cool parents.
- Heather: [to Cory] Your Mom was sitting on your Dad's shoulders. It was adorable.
- Eric Matthews: I don't want adorable parents. Cory, you want adorable parents?
- Cory Matthews: Nope. I just want them to make me lunch and pick me up from camp.