Bewitched (TV Series)

Help, Help, Don't Save Me (1964)

Agnes Moorehead: Endora

Quotes 

• Samantha : Darrin's a very dedicated man.

  Endora : So was Caesar, and all it got him was a torn toga. He was such a nice man too.

• [first lines] 

  Endora : Good morning, darling. Or should I be more specific and say, "Good four o'clock in the morning"?

  Samantha : What are you doing up so early?

  Endora : I'm not up early. I'm up late. One party after another. I haven't been to bed yet. And neither have you, apparently. Well, it's typical, typical.

  Samantha : Of what?

  Endora : Of the neglected housewife... drinking coffee, eaten alive by suspicion... her husband out to the wee small hours of morning, doing... whatever it is he's doing.

  Samantha : Darrin's working in the study.

  Endora : You're joking.

  Samantha : No. He's been working till the wee small hours every night this week.

  Endora : Oh, well. Lust is lust, I suppose. Whether it's for women or money, it's all the same.

  Samantha : It has nothing to do with lust. He's creating a new campaign for Caldwell's Soup.

  Endora : Ambition. Thoroughly immoral and foolishly mortal.

• Samantha : If you'll excuse me, I'm going to take Darrin some coffee.

  Endora : Very well. And you can tell what's-his-name that any man with a wife like you, who spends every night with a can of soup, must be even less than human.

• Endora : And you can tell Whats-His-Name that any man with a wife like you, who spends every night with a can of soup, must be even less than human.

• Samantha : [referring to the horse yoke that Endora made appear around her, Samantha's, neck]  What's this supposed to mean?

  Endora : Well, you enjoy working like a horse. I thought you might enjoy looking like one.

• Samantha : I've had about all the sarcasm I can take for one day.

  Endora : Oh, really? Trouble in paradise, eh?

• Samantha : Besides, it was all my fault.

  Endora : That's a wonderful attitude, Samantha. We haven't had a martyr in the family since the Salem trials. What did you do to What's-His-Name, besides bruise his ego a bit?

• Samantha : He called me a liar.

  Endora : I know. I heard the whole thing. I don't want to say I told you so...

  Samantha : Then don't.

• Endora : You just hold on to Mother, and we'll go far, far away. Now, before we do, I think I'll change him into a horned toad.

  Samantha : Mother, please don't.

  Endora : Maybe you're right. Why make it easy for him? I think I'll leave him just as he is.

• Endora : To err is human, to forgive divine.

  Samantha : Exactly.

  Endora : When you're up to here

  [raises her hand horizontally above her own head] 

  Endora : in err, and you've changed into one huge lump of divine, don't say I didn't warn you.