- Elly May Clampett: He said I got a way with critters.
- Granny: You better git away with this one before your Pa sees it.
- Doctor Eugene Twombly: [trying to settle Jed down] You don't understand. I'm a psychiatrist.
- Jed Clampett: Well, I'd try to get cured of that, if I was you.
- Jed Clampett: I reckon cousin Pearl can look after herself, but I got a daughter, Elly May, an' I catch you makin' one move in her direction, you're gonna find yourself weighin' about three bullets heavier.
- Jed Clampett: My cousin Pearl tells me she had no more than said "Howdy" and you commenced pullin' her to the settee. By doggies that's droppin' a rusty bucket down my well!
- Elly May Clampett: This here little feller is what you call a jaguar.
- Granny: Where'd he come from?
- Elly May Clampett: Critter doctor over to the zoo said he comes all the way from South America.
- Granny: Down Louisiana way. Nice country.
- Cousin Pearl Bodine: Trouble is we don't know no doctors.
- Elly May Clampett: Well, I know the critter doctor over to the zoo.
- Cousin Pearl Bodine: Jethro's a human being, Elly May.
- Jethro Bodine: Thank you, Ma.
- Cousin Pearl Bodine: Dried crawdad tails.
- Granny: Ooo, big rascals too. When they is ground up to powder, you can't beat it for easin' headaches, curing warts, and seasonin' sauerkraut.