The Batman (TV Series)
Topsy Turvy (2005)
Rino Romano: The Batman
Quotes
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Batman : According to Arkham, Joker's still locked in his cell, has been all night long.
Alfred Pennyworth : Perhaps Joker left some manner of decoy in his place.
Batman : Could be, Alfred. But other things don't add up. Joker abducted Judge Wigzell but not before leaving him for the police and me to see.
Alfred Pennyworth : You're not expecting Joker to actually make sense, are you?
Batman : It was Joker's calling card. His way of announcing his plan.
Alfred Pennyworth : Do you think there's more to come?
Batman : Maybe Joker's out to collect a full deck of those who've crossed him.
Alfred Pennyworth : 51 more victims? Where would you start?
Batman : One name is sure to be on his hit list: The Batman.
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Batman : You gambled, Joker. You lost.
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The Joker : [mutters to himself in his cell, until Batman appears] The Batman! What if I hadn't been decent?
Batman : You're never decent, Joker. Why bother adding a stand-in to your card collection instead of me?
The Joker : [Laughs] To drive you batty, of course. And look, it's working.
Batman : [Grabs Joker] Answers, Joker.
The Joker : Do you really think I'd send a flunky to eliminate my favorite sparring partner? I reserve that pleasure for me alone.
Batman : Then why -
The Joker : Because I miss your company, Batman.
Batman : [pushes Joker aside]
The Joker : We're two sides of the same card. After all, you knew where I'd send my look-a-like to find you. And I knew all along that if I left a trail of breadcrumbs, you'd gobble them up!
Batman : Joker, you're not making sense. Why convince an orderly to do your dirty work when you could just have him unlock your cell?
The Joker : Because you've always been my ace, Batman. My ace in the hole!
[Laughs]
The Joker : [Joker pulls out two sticks and plays a tune with no notes]
Batman : What?
[Joker blows out green Joker gas at Batman's face, causing him to collapse]
The Joker : [Cackles] I don't need you in my card collection. I never play with a full deck!
[Laughs]
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Batman : Where's the judge, Joker? How'd you manage to be in two places at once? And why the mime act?
[Batman notices a recorder of Joker laughing and destroys it with his foot. He wipes at his face and sees it is makeup]
Batman : You're a pale imitation. The real Joker doesn't wear makeup.
[the red eyes fall off to reveal green eyes. Batman removes the rest of the mask to reveal a frightened young man]
Nolan : Don't hurt me!
Batman : Who are you?
Nolan : Nolan. I'm an orderly.
Batman : Arkham?
Nolan : Joker said he'd do me in unless I helped him with his plan. Gave me the keys to his place to bring him stuff and -
[Batman pushes Nolan aside]
Batman : Who else is Joker after?
[Nolan uses the large gun in defense. Suddenly a flag pops out of its spout, saying "Surprise"]
Batman : Surprise?
[the gun aims on Nolan, instead of Batman, and turns him into a full deck]
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Batman : I left Joker's understudy in clown storage for the time being. Joker clearly didn't want him talking.
Alfred Pennyworth : Why not chip the fellow out and question him further?
Batman : Because I'm through being Joker's fool. I'm gonna get my answers straight from the horse's mouth, at Arkham Asylum.
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[Joker mutters to himself in his Arkham Asylum cell when Batman appears]
The Joker : The Batman. What if I hadn't been decent?
Batman : You're never decent, Joker. Why bother adding a stand-in to your card collection instead of me?
[Joker laughs]
The Joker : To drive you batty, of course. And look, it's working.
Batman : Answers, Joker.
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Batman : You're a pale imitation. The real Joker doesn't wear makeup.
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Batman : The reviews are in, Joker. Your show's a flop.
