Batman: The Animated Series (TV Series)
Harlequinade (1994)
Kevin Conroy: Batman, Bruce Wayne
Photos
Quotes
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[Batman has released Harley Quinn from Arkham to help him find the Joker. While they are riding along in the Batmobile:]
Harley Quinn : [reaches for the dashboard] I want to listen to the radio!
Batman : Don't!
[She pushes a button, and a drag chute deploys from the Batmobile's rear, causing the car to swerve wildly, until Batman brakes to a stop]
Harley Quinn : Oops.
Batman : Listen, and listen good. You don't touch anything, say anything, or *do* anything unless I tell you! GOT IT?
Harley Quinn : [small voice] Yes, sir.
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[fleeing the city]
Harley Quinn : But what about all our friends? Ivy and Two-Face and... Hat Guy and Lizard Man and Puppet Head and...
The Joker : What about them?
Batman : Don't forget your little pets!
Harley Quinn : [gasp] The babies! We can't leave the babies!
The Joker : I'll buy you a goldfish. Let's go!
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Harley Quinn : Did you see the way I handled those creeps? Pow! Bam! Batgirl, eat your heart out!
Robin : What was she before she went bonkers?
Batman : A clinical psychiatrist.
Robin : Figures.
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Batman : Ms. Quinn?
Dr. Harleen Quinzel : [gasping and falling off the bed] Dontcha knock before entering a lady's boudoir?
Batman : I need help.
Dr. Harleen Quinzel : Well, you've come to the right place. I recommend a lobotomy.
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Harley Quinn : Freeze, clown.
Batman : Quinn! Stop!
Harley Quinn : He's mine, Bats.
The Joker : You wouldn't dare. You don't have the guts.
[tears well in her eyes]
The Joker : Not in a million years would you...
[she cocks the gun and pulls the trigger; a pole pops out with "rat-tat-tat" cards]
The Joker : [after glaring at her in anger, he cackles] Baby, you're the greatest!
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Batman : What's the attraction, Quinn? This sick infatuation with the Joker?
Harley Quinn : Look, Bats, when I was a doctor, I was always listening to other people's problems. Then I met Mr. J, who listened to me for a change and made everything fun.
Batman : You think it's funny when he hurts people?
Harley Quinn : It's just a joke.
Batman : Hope you're still laughing when it's your turn.
Harley Quinn : [sticking out her tongue] Hmph. Mmm.
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Batman : [firing his grappling gun] Grab on.
Harley Quinn : I can do it myself, thank you.
[she takes her own out, with a large composite of the Joker's face on top, and fires it]
Harley Quinn : Ha ha.
[getting conked on the head]
Harley Quinn : Ow!
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Batman : The Joker's stolen a bomb. If I can't get to him in time, this city and everyone in it's going up in a mushroom cloud.
Dr. Harleen Quinzel : So you want me to turn squealer on Mr. J? Ha! Sorry, B-man. No deal.
Batman : I've talked to Gordon and Dr. Bartholomew. You help me find the Joker, and they'll write your ticket out of here.
Dr. Harleen Quinzel : Whee!
Batman : *If* you promise no double-cross.
Dr. Harleen Quinzel : Aw, shoot! Take all the fun outta life.
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Batman : Any word on the Joker?
Robin : Nothing. I even checked with Gordon again, and the mayor still refuses to let the cops evacuate the city.
Harley Quinn : [laughing and chortling] Oh, it's brilliant. Way to go, Mr. J!
Batman : What are you saying?
Harley Quinn : Oh, come on, Bats. You've seen how my Puddin' keeps an eye on Gotham. What better way to tie up the cops than to tie up the mayor?
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Harley Quinn : [handcuffed in the Batmobile] What gives?
Batman : I can't risk you warning the Joker.
Harley Quinn : [innocently] Would I do a thing like that?
[the canopy closes]
Harley Quinn : Hey, let me out! Come on!
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The Joker : Harley?
Harley Quinn : Hi, Puddin'. Miss me?
The Joker : Ooh, you clever little minx. How did you escape from Arkham?
Harley Quinn : Batman sprung me so's I could find you. Had me all locked up in his bad old car, too.
The Joker : [feigning sympathy] Aw.
Batman : Quinn! We had a deal.
Harley Quinn : Deal's off, B-man. No one ever said anything about hurtin' Mr. J.
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Harley Quinn : Sneak, sneak, sneak.
Batman : Shh.
Harley Quinn : Shh? Whaddaya mean, "shh"? No one's been in this dump for years.
[he picks the lock, and the door opens to reveal a lively underground gentlemen's club]
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Batman : The Joker will be extra cautious this time. We'll have to think like him or recruit someone who does.