Barney Miller (TV Series)
Smog Alert (1977)
Hal Linden: Capt. Barney Miller
Photos
Quotes
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Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz : Hey Barn. don't you think the pollution is bad enough without everyone having to breathe Harris' smoke
Det. Ron Harris : Look, no one is forcing you
Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz : Oh come on.
Capt. Barney Miller : I think, Detective Harris is going to demonstrate the judgement and consideration he has always shown in the past during difficult and uncomfortable situations.
Det. Ron Harris : Put it out ?
Capt. Barney Miller : Thank you
Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz : Thanks Harris
Det. Ron Harris : It probably wouldn't bother you if you didn't breathe through your mouth all the time
Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz : I only breathe through my mouth when I'm talking
Det. Ron Harris : Hmm-Hmm.
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Capt. Barney Miller : You all right ?
Det. Phil Fish : I'll be fine. fine Barney. It's just the smog, I swallowed a piece
Capt. Barney Miller : Nick, get some water, will you ?
Det. Sgt. Nick Yemana : Sure, anybody see the strainer
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Capt. Barney Miller : Gentleman, we are in a full-fledged first stage smog alert. Manhattan South advises all police officers are cautioned to restrict their movements... smog. So, try to curtail any excess physical activity. Huh ?
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Det. Ron Harris : Barney ?
Capt. Barney Miller : Yo
Capt. Barney Miller : We got a jumper
Capt. Barney Miller : Oh, wonderful, where ?
Det. Ron Harris : Ah, The Brooklyn Bridge. She's threatening to jump if anybody comes near her
Capt. Barney Miller : The Brooklyn Bridge ? Why didn't they call Brooklyn ?
Det. Ron Harris : She's right in the middle of the bridge.
Capt. Barney Miller : Why did dispatch call us ?
Det. Ron Harris : Well, they said the wind is blowing this way.
Capt. Barney Miller : Ah, go ahead, take it. Take...
Det. Ron Harris : I'm on with Harris
Capt. Barney Miller : Whoa, whoa, Nick can take it
Det. Phil Fish : No, I can do my own job. Besides, you got to know how to talk to jumpers.
Det. Sgt. Nick Yemana : I tell a pretty good joke
Capt. Barney Miller : Fish... Fish, it's a little rotten out there today, so take it easy.
Det. Phil Fish : What is it? A little talk, a little listening. They trust me. I find them a reason for living
Capt. Barney Miller : It's you I'm concerned about ?
Capt. Barney Miller : Don't worry, I'll find a reason someday
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Capt. Barney Miller : Hey ! Who brought brown sugar ?
Det. Sgt. Nick Yemana : I don't know
Capt. Barney Miller : We'll whoever did, brown sugar is a lot healthier than the refined stuff. This is brown sugar ?
Capt. Barney Miller : Now it is
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Renee Pettit : 11:15, I never thought I would see 11:15 again. I thought I would be dead by 10, 10:30 at the latest.
Capt. Barney Miller : Mrs.Petit, anybody ever point out to you, that suicide, aside from being very stupid, happens to be against the law in this state
Renee Pettit : I'm sorry about your friend. I should be dead and he should be alive
Capt. Barney Miller : He is alive
Renee Pettit : You didn't see the way he fell over and hit the ground
Capt. Barney Miller : He fainted -- a person faints, he has to get to the ground some way or another. Don't trouble yourself over it.
Renee Pettit : I was only trying to be nice.
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Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz : Barn, they lost Fish ?
Capt. Barney Miller : He's dead ? !
Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz : I don't know. They don't where he is ?
Capt. Barney Miller : Oh, for God sake, Wojo, will you chose your words more carefully ?
Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz : I'm sorry, Barn. I meant that, uh, they don't know where he is at Bellevue, and they don't know which ambulance went where ? I couldn't get any information.
Capt. Barney Miller : All right, All right. Try another hos... Okay, try another hospital. Try Metropolitan or Beekman Downtown or St Vincent.
Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz : Right?
Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz : The man's got to be somewhere ! You don't lose an entire police man ?
Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz : Right ?
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Det. Maria Battista : McCarthy, don't got no priors.
Capt. Barney Miller : Fine
Det. Maria Battista : They're probably going to go easy on him.
Capt. Barney Miller : Probably
Det. Maria Battista : It was a good bust though, yeah ?
Capt. Barney Miller : From a technical viewpoint.
Det. Maria Battista : Nah, he's probably going to get off clean.
Capt. Barney Miller : Not exactly clean. The man has already been humiliated and embarrassed
Det. Maria Battista : You want me to let him go ?
Capt. Barney Miller : It's your collar Battista, it's your decision.
Det. Maria Battista : That's right
Capt. Barney Miller : However, a misdemeanor citation, a lecture on respect for woman...
Det. Maria Battista : Is that my decision ?
Capt. Barney Miller : It's up to you
Det. Maria Battista : It's not bad
Capt. Barney Miller : Don't worry about it, he's not going to write on anymore walls
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Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz : Maybe Manhattan South hasn't gotten around to calling us yet. I mean, maybe -- maybe they don't know how to break the news to us
Capt. Barney Miller : Headquarters has never shown us any consideration before, why should they start now. It's purely a matter of communication. He's all right. He's all right.
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Capt. Barney Miller , Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz : Okay, I sure wish I was nicer to him
Capt. Barney Miller : Look, we'll here from them. Don't worry. Meanwhile, everybody has got some work to do ? Is Miss Pettit take care of?
Det. Ron Harris : Bellevue is on its way
Capt. Barney Miller : Fine, Wojo, find something to do .
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Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz : Where the hell were you ? We called every hospital in the city
Det. Phil Fish : I didn't go to the hospital. I had a little oxygen in the ambulance and felt okay So, I asked them to let me out.
Capt. Barney Miller : What are you talking about ? No ambulance would let you out on the street
Det. Phil Fish : The gun helped. Then I took the subway
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Capt. Barney Miller : This our author ?
Det. Maria Battista : Mr. Antoine McCarthy. Disorderly Conduct and Resisting Arrest
Capt. Barney Miller : Resisting Arrest ?
Antoine McCarthy : I didn't know who she was.
Det. Maria Battista : I identified myself as a police officer
Antoine McCarthy : I thought she was fooling around ? You know, to break the ice
Capt. Barney Miller : Mr. McCarthy, you defaced city property. What's more in a particularly vulgar manner
Det. Maria Battista : it wasn't even clean enough to be vulgar. Ah... Come sit down here please. I wrote down what you wrote down. Dirty, filthy smut.
Antoine McCarthy : If you want to catch a person's eye -- I mean, you're competing with a lot other stuff.
Antoine McCarthy : What were you doing in the ladies wash room ?
Antoine McCarthy : What do you want me to do. Hang around bars?
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Det. Ron Harris : Uh, Barney, the people at Bellevue, said that they're not able to take Mrs. Petit right away
Capt. Barney Miller : Uh, all right, write here up and make here as comfortable as possible
Det. Ron Harris : Okay, Barney