Barney Miller (TV Series)
Sex Surrogate (1977)
Hal Linden: Capt. Barney Miller
Quotes
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Capt. Barney Miller : Any progress on those burglaries?
Det. Ron Harris : Yeah, a lady called in and said that she saw a little kid running out of the places carrying a sack
Capt. Barney Miller : A kid ?
Det. Ron Harris : Yeah, so I am checking through all the juvenile files
Capt. Barney Miller : These are all juvenile offenders ?
Det. Ron Harris : 13 and under
Capt. Barney Miller : Wonderful ? !
Capt. Barney Miller : From the description, I think our thief probably has not gone through puberty yet ?
Capt. Barney Miller : Good, we got something to look forward to
Det. Ron Harris : I got some good prospects that I'm going to check out though
Capt. Barney Miller : Think of the possibility of it being a gang of kids led by an adult, check that out ?
Det. Ron Harris : That's very Dickensian
Capt. Barney Miller : So it is, Harris. So it is
Det. Ron Harris : No, really, I mean like in Oliver Twist by Charles DIckens
Capt. Barney Miller : Yes, yes, I recognize the reference.
Det. Ron Harris : Oh
Capt. Barney Miller : I didn't feel the need to prove it
Det. Ron Harris : Right
Capt. Barney Miller : That's with Fagin and the Artful dodger.. One of his earlier novels
Det. Ron Harris : I didn't know that
Capt. Barney Miller : Good
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Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz : Good morning Harris. Good day, huh.
Det. Ron Harris : Hey, you're late
Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz : No, I'm not, I'm two minutes early
Det. Ron Harris : It's 10 o' clock.
Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz : No it's 9 o' clock
Capt. Barney Miller : It's 10 o' clock, Daylight Savings Time started this weekend. You lost an hour
Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz : Oh really !
Capt. Barney Miller : I'm surprised you didn't hear about it.
Det. Ron Harris : It was widely publicized !
Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz : Well, I didn't see too many people this weekend
Det. Ron Harris : Well, it was in all the newspapers
Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz : Well, I didn't have a chance to read the papers, Barn, I was in all weekend
Det. Ron Harris : It was on TV
Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz : Well, I didn't do too much of that either
Capt. Barney Miller : Oh, well... He finally has a legitimate excuse
Det. Ron Harris : Lust
Capt. Barney Miller : Wojo, why don't you get started working, maybe you can make up for lost time. Maybe you can stay an hour later
Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz : Okay Barn
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Mr. Kaufmann : That's right. I had a Doctor's appointment.
Louise Kaufmann : You're disgusting.
Mr. Kaufmann : Louise, I only went there for us. I even asked her to come with me.
Louise Kaufmann : That's even more disgusting !
Mr. Kaufmann : What are you talking about ? ! Don't you understand the medical value... I tell you
Capt. Barney Miller : Will you keep quiet ? Stop it . I'm going to have to get some more information from both of you
Mr. Kaufmann : No... no. Look, I'm not going to press charges
Louise Kaufmann : Don't do me any favors
Capt. Barney Miller : Okay. Okay, All right. Right over here, have a seat Mrs. Kaufmann. Detective Fish will take your statement. Mr. Kaufmann, over here, Sergeant Yemana, will, um, are you sure you're alright ?
Mr. Kaufmann : It's okay. The doctor said the limp was mostly psychological.
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Capt. Barney Miller : Have a seat, Mrs. Kaufmann. If you don't restrain yourself, we're going to have to do it for you