Barney Miller (TV Series)

Horse Thief (1975)

Bruce Solomon: The Flag Salesman

Photos 

Quotes 

• The Flag Salesman : If I don't get to sit down pretty soon, I'm gonna faint.

  Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz : Yeah, well, you're flying the flag, you stand at attention.

• The Flag Salesman : Oh. So this is the secret police.

  Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz : No, this is the 12th Precinct, and it's no secret.

  The Flag Salesman : You mean you brag about this place?

  Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz : All right, Barn, I talked to all the hackies about the missing horse. If they know something,they ain't giving it up.

  Capt. Barney Miller : Who is this?

  Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz : I caught him on my way back through the park.He was selling this stuff at a little table.

  The Flag Salesman : You got something against the free-enterprise system?

  Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz : Hey, look, you're not supposed to put the American flag on anything but the flag. Look at this stuff. T-shirts, hats. Look here. A beach towel. I mean, people would be putting their wet, sandy bodies all over the American flag. And another thing. Turn around.

  The Flag Salesman : Whatever turns you on.

  Capt. Barney Miller : Fashionable, perhaps. Disrespectful, yes. But, uh, against the law?

  Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz : Oh, come on, Barn. It's gotta be.

  Capt. Barney Miller : The Supreme Court says no.

  Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz : Since when?

  Capt. Barney Miller : About a year ago.

  Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz : You sure?

  Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz : Would I lie to you?

  Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz : Well, I ain't lettin' him go until I see if he's got some priors.

  Capt. Barney Miller : You hang in there.

  Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz : I would've kicked his tail all the way down here if I thought I could've missed the flag.

• Det. Sgt. Nick Yemana : Uh, Barney,that was the commander of the police barn. One of their horses was stolen.

  Capt. Barney Miller : What is this, an epidemic?Wait a minute. Fuzzo loses a horse. Now we lose a horse.You better check out Fuzzo.

  Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz : Hey, Barn. That was Kogan. We gotta do something about Pier 10.

  Capt. Barney Miller : Pier 10?

  Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz : Yeah, there's a bunch of clowns over there throwin' tea into the East River.

  Capt. Barney Miller : What is going on out there today?

  The Flag Salesman : The second American Revolution. Right on schedule.

  Capt. Barney Miller : Uh, Fish.

  Det. Phil Fish : Yeah?

  Capt. Barney Miller : Yeah, take a run over to Pier 10. We got some trouble over on the harbor. This is beautiful. Rioting, fistfights, vandalism. It's lovely way to celebrate the bicentennial.

  Det. Phil Fish : You get to be 200 years old, I guess you get a little cranky.