Barney Miller (TV Series)
Horse Thief (1975)
Abe Vigoda: Det. Phil Fish
Quotes
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Det. Phil Fish : Mr Fuzzo, how much can a man make driving people around the park?
Fuzzo : You mean reported income?
Det. Phil Fish : That much, huh?
Fuzzo : Oh you'd like it. I know a lot of guys drive cabs when they get old enough to retire.
Det. Phil Fish : How do you know how old I am?
Fuzzo : Well, you take a guy's height and then you multiply it by the number of times he goes to the bathroom every day.
[Fish thinks about this, and then walks to the men's room]
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Det. Phil Fish : We'd sit there and hold hands and I couldn't help thinking, looking at the back end of that horse, is he trying to tell me something?
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Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz : If you wanna sit down, you gotta take off those pants.
Det. Phil Fish : He's right, son. If you desecrate the flag, we gotta burn it. Wherever it may be.
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Det. Sgt. Nick Yemana : Uh, Barney,that was the commander of the police barn. One of their horses was stolen.
Capt. Barney Miller : What is this, an epidemic?Wait a minute. Fuzzo loses a horse. Now we lose a horse.You better check out Fuzzo.
Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz : Hey, Barn. That was Kogan. We gotta do something about Pier 10.
Capt. Barney Miller : Pier 10?
Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz : Yeah, there's a bunch of clowns over there throwin' tea into the East River.
Capt. Barney Miller : What is going on out there today?
The Flag Salesman : The second American Revolution. Right on schedule.
Capt. Barney Miller : Uh, Fish.
Det. Phil Fish : Yeah?
Capt. Barney Miller : Yeah, take a run over to Pier 10. We got some trouble over on the harbor. This is beautiful. Rioting, fistfights, vandalism. It's lovely way to celebrate the bicentennial.
Det. Phil Fish : You get to be 200 years old, I guess you get a little cranky.