- Andy Taylor: [seeing how many musical terms Barney actually knows] Hey, Barn? Suppose they asked you if you can sing a cappella. What'll you do?
- Barney Fife: Well, I'd do it!
- [singing on the fly]
- Barney Fife: A cappella, a cappella...
- Martha Hollister: [Admiring Rafe's new, but tight, tuxedo] You look good enough to get buried!
- Rafe Hollister: I feel like I'm fixin' to!
- Rafe Hollister: [interrupting Barney singing "Believe Me, If All Those Endearing Young Charms"] I... I don't mean to butt in none, but that ain't the way it goes.
- Andy Taylor: [agrees] Your endearin' wasn't too charmin', Barn.
- Rafe Hollister: I honest believe I'd rather spend another ten days in jail than to wear these government clothes!
- Mrs. Dennis: And what a marvelous Idea, having him appear dressed that way! It made his selection so much more authentic! Mr. Hollister, will you favor us with another selection?
- Rafe Hollister: [to Andy] Want to?
- Andy Taylor: Why not?
- [starts playing his guitar]
- Andy Taylor: Our... Our records are off somethin' fierce! Ink musta got smudged.
- Rafe Hollister: Hmm.
- Andy Taylor: Somebody we took in for moonshinin', April a year ago, address up on Willow Creek Road.
- Rafe Hollister: Moonshinin'?
- Andy Taylor: Yeah.
- Rafe Hollister: Last April?
- Andy Taylor: Yeah.
- Rafe Hollister: Well, that's me! You took *me* in 'bout then!
- Andy Taylor: Can it be?
- Rafe Hollister: Uh-huh.
- Andy Taylor: By dog, you're right! Now we can set things straight!
- Rafe Hollister: But I done my time and I ain't been moonshinin' since! Oh, I mean, not so's you could notice.
- Andy Taylor: [Barney is practicing his singing, off-key] Hey, Barn! How much longer you gonna be at that?
- Barney Fife: Why? Is there somewhere you want me to go?
- Andy Taylor: Yeah.
- Barney Fife: Where?
- Andy Taylor: Anywhere!
- Andy Taylor: [Barney resumes his singing practice in the back room] That's Barney.
- Rafe Hollister: How long's he been ailin'?
- [Barney has been discouraging Rafe from attending the singing auditions at town hall]
- Andy Taylor: Now... Now, why don't you take Rafe over there and have him sing for 'em?
- Barney Fife: You want Rafe here to be embarrassed and humiliated? They want people up there with musical backgrounds!
- Andy Taylor: Well, it was just an idea.
- Barney Fife: [to Rafe] That don't mean you have to stop singing, Rafe. You just go ahead and do it. You sing in a bathtub, don't you?
- [Rafe nods]
- Barney Fife: Well, you can go right ahead and do that.
- Rafe Hollister: [to Andy] Can I ask a question?
- Andy Taylor: What is it, Rafe?
- Rafe Hollister: What time are these here tryouts?
- Andy Taylor: Right about now, I guess. Why?
- Rafe Hollister: I'm goin' over there.
- Barney Fife: Huh?
- Rafe Hollister: Well, I reckon since they ain't never around when I'm takin' a bath, I best go on over there!