All in the Family (TV Series)

Archie's Operation: Part 1 (1976)

Carroll O'Connor: Archie Bunker

Photos 

Quotes 

• Archie : Well, Doctor, she's... B-L-A-K.

  Dr. Seymour Shapiro : But her blood is R-E-D-D.

• Archie : [Fearing death prior to surgery]  Now about the funeral...

  Edith Bunker : There ain't gonna be a funeral!

  Archie : Of course there's gonna be a funeral. What are gonna do? Put me out with the garbage?

• Archie : You're a- a regular doctor?

  Dr. Wynell Thatcher : Only at night. By day I strangle chickens for the Colonel.

• Archie : What do you want to use the razor for?

  Dr. Wynell Thatcher : For shaving.

  Archie : I shaved this morning.

  Dr. Wynell Thatcher : I'll bet you didn't shave where I'm going to shave you.

• Archie : This is going to make me so ashamed.

  Dr. Wynell Thatcher : My dear, I will do it in a manner that will cause you no shame.

  Archie : How you gonna do that?

  Dr. Wynell Thatcher : When I shave you, I'm gonna close me eyes.

• Dr. Wynell Thatcher : Now you listen, boy- if you behave yourself I'll be good to you, but if you don't behave yourself I'm gonna take a bedpan and beat you with it.

  Archie : [muttered]  The nurses in this joint are killers...

  Dr. Wynell Thatcher : What was that?

  Archie : I said I'm trying to fix my pillows here...

• Michael 'Meathead' Stivic : Hey Arch, don't worry about money. Whatever Gloria and I have is yours.

  Archie : Well sure it is. That's where it come from in the first place.

• Teresa Betancourt : Did you have an account in a bonk?

  Archie : Yeah, First National Bonk.

  Teresa Betancourt : References?

  Archie : It's a pretty good bonk.

• Archie : You mix my white, what-do-you-call hemoglobins with her colored shemoglobins, anything could happen.

  Michael 'Meathead' Stivic : Yeah, there might be a race riot.

• Archie : [to Dr. Thatcher, who speaks with a West Indies accent]  You talk kinda funny, there. What part o' Harlem are you from?

• Teresa Betancourt : Did you want a ward, a semi-private r-r-room, or a private r-r-room?

  Archie : Any room at all as long as there ain't a guy in it with hoses up his nose.