Alfred Hitchcock Presents (TV Series)

The Festive Season (1958)

Alfred Hitchcock: Self - Host

Quotes 

• [introduction - Hitchcock is in a living room watching himself on television] 

  Alfred Hitchcock : [on the television]  Good evening and thank you for allowing me to come into your living room. The miracle of electronics makes many new pleasures possible.

  [Hitchcock turns to the audience and echoes what he says on the television] 

  Alfred Hitchcock : I frequently watch television. It takes my mind off my work. You aren't interrupting, however, for I seldom pay much attention to this part of the program. It's really quite superfluous. I find I can miss it entirely and still know what the commercial is all about. I must say I sometimes find myself fascinated by the amazing ego of this man. He speaks as though he were certain we were all sitting here with ears akimbo listening to his every word. Let's listen to what he's saying now.

  [Hitchcock turns back to the television] 

  Alfred Hitchcock : [on the television]  But first, we have an important announcement. My sponsor...

  [Hitchcock turns back to the audience] 

  Alfred Hitchcock : The way he bows and scrapes before the sponsor. It's disgusting. He's obviously a relative. Shh.

  [Hitchcock turns back to the television] 

  Alfred Hitchcock : [on the television]  ... and expensive message.

• [afterword - Hitchcock is next to the television holding the cord as his alter ego continues to speak] 

  Alfred Hitchcock : [on the television]  After that, I think you must agree...

  Alfred Hitchcock : [to the audience]  That was a very charming mime. I don't think we should be bothered with much more by our sycophantic friend. I have a remote control device which eliminates those portions of a program you don't wish to hear. Just a moment. Here's the part I never miss.

  [Hitchcock turns back to the television as we go to commercial] 

  Alfred Hitchcock : [on the television]  ... our sponsor goes to keep you amused...

  Alfred Hitchcock : This remote control device is second-hand, but is in excellent condition.

  [the 'remote control device' is a plunger box] 

  Alfred Hitchcock : It belonged to a little old lady in Pasadena - a widow who only used it once.

  [Hitchcock turns back to the television] 

  Alfred Hitchcock : Ah, there's that obnoxious fellow again.

  Alfred Hitchcock : [on the television]  And so, until next week, good night.

  [Hitchcock presses the handle on the plunger box and the television explodes]