Alfred Hitchcock Presents (TV Series)

The Canary Sedan (1958)

Alfred Hitchcock: Self - Host

Quotes 

• [introduction - Hitchcock stands in front of a dusty screen] 

  Self - Host : Good evening, ladies and - Please don't adjust your sets. I think the picture tube needs... little dusting.

  [Hitchcock wipes the dust off the screen when a gong rings and another Hitchcock appears] 

  Alfred, Genie of the Lamp : What is your wish, o master?

  Self - Host : Who are you?

  Alfred, Genie of the Lamp : I am Alfred, the genie of the lamp.

  Self - Host : Why, my name's Alfred, too!

  Alfred, Genie of the Lamp : Why is it, master, that when you can have any wish you desire, you prefer small talk?

  Self - Host : Any wish I desire?

  Alfred, Genie of the Lamp : If you want me, rub the lamp.

  [Hitchcock rubs the screen again and, at the sound of the gong, Genie Alfred reappears] 

  Self - Host : How long have you been in that tube?

  Alfred, Genie of the Lamp : Master, you have a mania for the unimportant. I have been there for years. No one ever dusts and whoever heard of a genie conjured up by a vacuum cleaner? And now, master, the wish. And remember the words of Allah: "Think big."

  Self - Host : But what I want is priceless.

  Alfred, Genie of the Lamp : Nothing is too great. Diamonds. Rubies.

  Self - Host : This will be too much to ask.

  Alfred, Genie of the Lamp : Master! The wish! The wish!

  [Hitchcock rubs the screen again] 

  Self - Host : Give me a commercial! Give me a commercial!

• [afterword - Hitchcock is still rubbing the screen] 

  Alfred, Genie of the Lamp : Ow! Don't rub so hard!

  Self - Host : Why don't you appear? I have two more wishes coming!

  Alfred, Genie of the Lamp : I think I know what you want. And I don't care to be there to see. Name your wish and it will be granted.

  Self - Host : Naturally, I would get a fastidious genie. Ladies and gentlemen, I present a rare and priceless gift - a television commercial, after which I shall take my leave until next week.

  [commercial break] 

  Alfred, Genie of the Lamp : I have already granted the little man his third wish, which was to leave you until next week. Granting wishes is easier two at a time. I savor overhead. Now, if you know how to summon me, we shall probably be seeing more of each other.

  [fades away] 

  Alfred, Genie of the Lamp : Well, don't just sit there. Get the dust cloth!