Alfred Hitchcock Presents (TV Series)

Safe Conduct (1956)

Alfred Hitchcock: Self - Host

Quotes 

• [first lines] 

  [Hitchcock is standing by a pool table and wearing an eye-patch] 

  Himself - Host : Oh, good evening. You know, uh, this came as somewhat of a surprise to me. I was under the impression that all pool tables were kidney-shaped. I guess that's only true in Hollywood. Our story tonight will be in a somewhat different vein. It is a tale of mystery and intrigue on a transcontinental express. It is called... The title seems to have slipped my mind. It's, um...

  [man enters with a pool cue and taps the end of it, significantly] 

  Man with Pool Cue : You've, uh, dropped your cue.

  [hands Hitchcock the cue and walks off. Hitchcock unscrews the end of cue, takes out a piece of paper and reads it] 

  Himself - Host : The title of tonight's play is "Safe Conduct."

  [looks off stage in the direction of where the man with pool cue walked off] 

  Himself - Host : Thank you very much.

• [last lines] 

  Himself - Host : Now, I'm sorry you didn't watch. You'll never believe me. A three-cushion shot. It caromed off the ceiling, floor, and wall and into the side pocket.

  [takes a rubber ball disguised as a cue ball from his pocket and bounces it off the pool table] 

  Himself - Host : Next week at this time we shall all return our mummers to offer you their usual 26 minutes of drama. And, of course, I shall be back to lay my customary one-minute egg. Good night.