- [shows a slide of Little Pete Wrigley to the staff]
- Principal Kent Schwinger: Ladies and Gentlemen, this is the enemy. Notice the abundance of freckles, the innocent smile. Don't let him fool you, he's a killer.
- Big Pete Wrigley: [narrating] Meet Principal Kent Schwinger, the most despised principal in Wellsville history. It wasn't the manditory squat thrusts or the creamed corn lunches that made him so hated. It was eight v-necked dweebs called the Up With Personal Hygene singers. Every year, Schwinger inflicted their good hygene jamboree on the helpless kids of Wellsville.
- Principal Kent Schwinger: [shows him a slide of Johnny Earwax and himself] You see I always had a problem with clogged ears. Then one day at school, a little fella named Johnny Earwax sang a song that opened my ears up to a whole new world.
- Ms. Burnbawer: [awakens] That's very touching sir, but...
- Principal Kent Schwinger: But, don't you get it. The Hygene singers are coming today, April Fool's Day. I know how Wrigley thinks, he'll try something.
- Ms. Burnbawer: Aren't you being a bit paranoid?
- Principal Kent Schwinger: Paranoid.
- [clicks the remote to switch to security cams which Little Pete is talking to Wayne in the boys bathroom]
- Wayne Pardue: [in the boy's bathroom] Come on, we're buds, amigos. So tell me, who are you going to prank?
- Little Pete Wrigley: That's privilege information, Wayne.
- Wayne Pardue: Why? Is it someone big? Is it Schwinger? You gotta be crazy
- [Little Pete is shocked by it]
- Wayne Pardue: That's it, you're going after the man. You gotta be crazy.
- Little Pete Wrigley: Relax, Schwingsville isn't so tough.
- Principal Kent Schwinger: You don't think so, my friend.
- Little Pete Wrigley: Look we've put up with him and his stinking show for too long. Today, they're both going down.
- Principal Kent Schwinger: Bring it on, punk. I'll shread you like wheat.
- [turns and faces the faculty]
- Principal Kent Schwinger: Seen enough. Bottom line is if Wrigley's gonna be stopped, I need a pro.
- [the girl is taken as she mentions that Little Pete wouldn't let them endure this. Wayne comes up with the idea to save his friend]
- Wayne Pardue: It's Pardue to the rescue.
- [Runs up to Ms.Burnbawer pretending he has to use the bathroom]
- Wayne Pardue: Umm Ms.Burmbawer, can I go?
- Ms. Burnbawer: Absolutely not, Mr.Pardue. You'll have to wait until after the assembly.
- Wayne Pardue: I can't, Dr.Kleinberg says if I hold it too long it'll cause an infection. He says an infection at my age could cause my corp muscles to...
- Ms. Burnbawer: Enough! You have two minutes.
- [Wayne leaves]