- Morticia Addams: [joining Gomez at the window] Well, what do they look like?
- Gomez Addams: Oh, just ordinary moving men. One's tall; one's medium.
- Morticia Addams: No, darling, I mean the new neighbors.
- Gomez Addams: Oh. I haven't seen them yet.
- Amanda Peterson: [learning of Fester's hobby] You mean there's somebody exploding dynamite--inside your house?
- Morticia Addams: Where else would he do it?
- Grandmama Addams: Fester's very handy with that gun. He shot a pigeon right through the eye.
- Uncle Fester: It wasn't even the one I was aiming at.
- Morticia Addams: Oh, I do hope the new neighbors will like the house. Do you think they will?
- Gomez Addams: How can they help it?
- Morticia Addams: It is nice and dismal, isn't it?
- Gomez Addams: Don't be modest, my dear--it's absolutely bleak.
- Gomez Addams: In the Amazon, no wedding ceremony is complete without the traditional shower of lizards' teeth.
- Lurch: You rang?
- Morticia Addams: Lurch, go over to the Petersons' and invite them over for bridge tonight. And Lurch, use the front door, not Pugsley's tunnel.
- Lurch: Yes, Mrs. Addams.
- Grandmama Addams: [holding up her freshly-sharpened ax] I haven't used this beauty since the taxman was here!
- Hubert Peterson: Well...
- [nervous laughter]
- Hubert Peterson: ... I see you're washing your pup, heh.
- Morticia Addams: Oh, good heavens, that isn't a pup.
- Gomez Addams: It's an octopus!
- Amanda Peterson: You have an octopus for a pet?
- Morticia Addams: Oh no. It's our son's pet.
- Gomez Addams: Here, shake his tentacle.
- Amanda Peterson: Take it away!
- Morticia Addams: Darling, dry it first.
- Gomez Addams: Oh, I'm sorry, excuse me. There we are...
- Morticia Addams: He's really very friendly.
- Gomez Addams: [after Morticia impersonates a bullfrog at his request] That bullfrog, it drives me wild!
- [begins kissing her hand]
- Gomez Addams: Let's not play cards tonight, Tish. I feel like honeymooning myself tonight.
- Morticia Addams: Darling, you're so impetuous. Bridge first, bullfrog later.
- Amanda Peterson: Horrible house next door! Do you suppose anybody lives in it?
- Hubert Peterson: Honey, I didn't even know that house was there. As I remember it, the renting agent had the shutters closed on this side.
- Uncle Fester: If those neighbors start getting rough, why, 'Genevieve' will put 'em in their right place.
- Morticia Addams: Oh, Gomez, we've been very selfish. After all, they're newlyweds. I should've been over there a long time ago with a pot of henbane soup, some of my dwarf's-hair cobbler, and marital advice.
- Gomez Addams: Let's go over right now.
- Morticia Addams: No, darling, I have a better idea. Let's invite them over tonight for a game of bridge.
- Gomez Addams: You think they'll want to play bridge on their wedding night?
- Morticia Addams: Of course. It'll relax them.
- Hubert Peterson: Don't misunderstand, Mr. Addams. We like our house very much...
- Gomez Addams: Then why do you want to move out? The rent too high?
- Hubert Peterson: Oh, no... no.
- Gomez Addams: Be glad to lower it. What would you like to pay?