The Addams Family (TV Series)
Morticia, the Writer (1965)
Jackie Coogan: Uncle Fester
Photos
Quotes
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Uncle Fester : Hey, Gomez, grab your motorcycle. I'll race you to the attic.
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[Lurch lays out hot coals]
Gomez Addams : [to Fester] You said you'd go through fire for me, old man.
Uncle Fester : Yeah, but not in my bare feet.
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Uncle Fester : I can see it all now: Morticia Addams, the new literary sensation, traveling all over the world, drinking it up at those literary teas...
Gomez Addams : ...Making speeches, signing autographs, ha-ha, telling off the critics...
Uncle Fester : We might not even see her for six months at a time.
Gomez Addams : [stunned at the thought] Six months?
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Uncle Fester : Somebody's got to stay at home and take care of the kids.
Gomez Addams : What about you?
Uncle Fester : Oh, I can take care of myself.
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Uncle Fester : Why don't you just change it a little bit so the publisher won't like it?
Gomez Addams : Tamper with this masterpiece? Fester! That's like asking me to put a mustache on the Mona Lisa, or... or put plastic arms on Venus, or finger-paint on the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel.
Uncle Fester : Well, gee, it was just a suggestion.
Gomez Addams : And a great one! I'll do it!
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Uncle Fester : [reading Morticia's manuscript] "Out of the sweet-scented swamp, Lucifer, the kindly wolf, minced daintily."
Gomez Addams : All right, change that to: "Across a daisy-covered meadow the snarling, sniveling, slathering wolf slunk."
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[Mr. Boswell wants to publish Morticia's book but needs some start-up money]
Gomez Addams : Just as I thought - a bunko artist out for the money.
Uncle Fester : I'll shoot 'im in the back.
Gomez Addams : I've got a better idea.
Uncle Fester : In the front?
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Uncle Fester : What's a matter, Gomez?
Gomez Addams : Fester, you've caught me on the horns of a dilemma.
Uncle Fester : Well, why don't you hop off of it and just tell me all about it?
Gomez Addams : I'm supposed to mail this manuscript to Morticia's publisher but I don't dare!
Uncle Fester : Oh, it's that bad, huh?
Gomez Addams : It's that good! Once he sees this I've lost her forever. There'll be noting but abject misery for both of us. And the children.
Uncle Fester : Eh, so, just don't mail it.
Gomez Addams : I can't do that! She trusts me!
Uncle Fester : That makes it easier.
