The Addams Family (TV Series)
Lurch, the Teenage Idol (1965)
John Astin: Gomez Addams
Photos
Quotes
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[Fester is cooking; Morticia reads his recipe book]
Morticia Addams : Fillet of fenny snake in a caldron boil and bake. Eye of newt and toe of frog, wool of bat and pollywog...
Gomez Addams : Ooo, stop, stop, you're making me hungry.
Morticia Addams : Uncle Fester, this isn't a cookbook. That's the witches' scene from MacBeth.
Uncle Fester : Hey, that Shakespeare was a real gourmet, wasn't he?
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Gomez Addams : Lurch! He's been stabbed!
Morticia Addams : Nonsense, darling. That's the way he sings.
Gomez Addams : He'd be better stabbed.
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[Morticia and Gomez play indoor golf, with Gomez's forehead used as the tee]
Gomez Addams : [from the floor] All right, now. Eye on the ball.
Morticia Addams : Darling, suppose I miss the ball and hit you.
Gomez Addams : Counts as a stroke. Helps develops accuracy.
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Gomez Addams : Very well, put the blame on me. My shoulders are broad. At least they are in this suit.
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Uncle Fester : [a crowd of groupies is screaming outside] Hey, sounds like an accident!
Gomez Addams : Great shades of satan! A lynch mob!
Morticia Addams : Nonsense. Lurch wasn't that bad...
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Gomez Addams : [Lurch has left] Well, he belongs to the ages now.
Morticia Addams : I'll miss his happy smiling face.
Gomez Addams : I need a drink. I'll ring for Fester.
[pulls the noose to chime the gong]
Lurch : You rang?
Gomez Addams : Lurch!
Morticia Addams : You're back!
Lurch : [exhausted after facing his adoring fans] To stay...
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Mizzy Bickle : [about Lurch] He'll sweep the country!
Gomez Addams : Not so fast, Bickle, he hasn't swept the kitchen yet.
Morticia Addams : Darling, country first, kitchen later.
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Mizzy Bickle : I'm gonna make this guy the biggest thing in the music business.
Gomez Addams : He's already the biggest thing in the butler business. Show him, Lurch. Stand up.
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Mizzy Bickle : This guy's dynamite. He'll be bigger than the Beagles.
Morticia Addams : The Beagles?
Uncle Fester : They're very tasty.
Gomez Addams : Those are bagels.
Mizzy Bickle : The Begals? That's a great group, too.
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[the foghorn blows]
Gomez Addams : Lurch! The door!
Morticia Addams : Lurch is busy resting.
Gomez Addams : That's ridiculous! How can he expect to rest with me yelling for him every five minutes?
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Gomez Addams : [to Morticia] Well, since I'm the one who got us into this mess, I'm gonna let you get us out. You tell Lurch he has to choose between crooning and butling.
Morticia Addams : Oh, darling, I couldn't do that to dear Lurch.
Uncle Fester : You're the head of the family, Gomez. You tell him.
Gomez Addams : Am I supposed to do everything?
Morticia Addams : We'll do this the democratic way. We'll vote on it.
Gomez Addams : Capital idea!
Morticia Addams : All those in favor of allowing Gomez to tell Lurch will say aye.
Grandmama Addams : Aye.
Uncle Fester : Aye.
Morticia Addams : Aye - it's unanimous.
Gomez Addams : But, I... I... I...
Morticia Addams : Ah, three more ayes! It's becoming a landslide.
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[the excitement of a proposed concert tour causes Lurch laryngitis; Fester and Gomez try curing him with a tank of spray]
Gomez Addams : Ah, it's no good, Fester. Didn't help a bit.
Uncle Fester : Hmm. That's funny. It cured the rose bushes just like that.
[Fester clicks his fingers]
Morticia Addams : Uncle Fester, I don't believe Lurch has aphids.
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[Lurch hands out autographed pictures of himself]
Gomez Addams : Best picture you ever took, Lurch - doesn't look a thing like you.