The Addams Family (TV Series)
Lurch, the Teenage Idol (1965)
Jackie Coogan: Uncle Fester
Photos
Quotes
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[Fester is cooking; Morticia reads his recipe book]
Morticia Addams : Fillet of fenny snake in a caldron boil and bake. Eye of newt and toe of frog, wool of bat and pollywog...
Gomez Addams : Ooo, stop, stop, you're making me hungry.
Morticia Addams : Uncle Fester, this isn't a cookbook. That's the witches' scene from MacBeth.
Uncle Fester : Hey, that Shakespeare was a real gourmet, wasn't he?
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Uncle Fester : Don't worry Doctor Addams only lost one patient.
Morticia Addams : His first, and his last.
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Uncle Fester : [a crowd of groupies is screaming outside] Hey, sounds like an accident!
Gomez Addams : Great shades of satan! A lynch mob!
Morticia Addams : Nonsense. Lurch wasn't that bad...
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Mizzy Bickle : This guy's dynamite. He'll be bigger than the Beagles.
Morticia Addams : The Beagles?
Uncle Fester : They're very tasty.
Gomez Addams : Those are bagels.
Mizzy Bickle : The Begals? That's a great group, too.
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Gomez Addams : [to Morticia] Well, since I'm the one who got us into this mess, I'm gonna let you get us out. You tell Lurch he has to choose between crooning and butling.
Morticia Addams : Oh, darling, I couldn't do that to dear Lurch.
Uncle Fester : You're the head of the family, Gomez. You tell him.
Gomez Addams : Am I supposed to do everything?
Morticia Addams : We'll do this the democratic way. We'll vote on it.
Gomez Addams : Capital idea!
Morticia Addams : All those in favor of allowing Gomez to tell Lurch will say aye.
Grandmama Addams : Aye.
Uncle Fester : Aye.
Morticia Addams : Aye - it's unanimous.
Gomez Addams : But, I... I... I...
Morticia Addams : Ah, three more ayes! It's becoming a landslide.
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[the excitement of a proposed concert tour causes Lurch laryngitis; Fester and Gomez try curing him with a tank of spray]
Gomez Addams : Ah, it's no good, Fester. Didn't help a bit.
Uncle Fester : Hmm. That's funny. It cured the rose bushes just like that.
[Fester clicks his fingers]
Morticia Addams : Uncle Fester, I don't believe Lurch has aphids.