- Trivia: [after drinking Grandmama's love potion] Where's that man?
- Grandmama Addams: Coming up!
- [boinnnnng!]
- Lurch: You rang?
- Trivia: Lurch! You great, big, wonderful hunk of masculinity!
- Grandmama Addams: Well, I guess you two lovebirds wanna be alone!
- Trivia: Where, oh, where have you been all my life?
- Lurch: The kitchen.
- Uncle Fester: We thought you were getting married.
- Trivia: Oh, I was on the verge but I just couldn't go through with it.
- Morticia Addams: Why not?
- Trivia: He never asked me.
- Gomez Addams: Tish, you spoke French.
- Morticia Addams: Gomez, darling, please. There's a time and place for everything.
- Gomez Addams: How 'bout here and now?
- [the family decides to make over Lurch]
- Uncle Fester: And after a couple hours with me, why he'll know all there is to know about women.
- Gomez Addams: Whadda you know about women, Fester?
- Uncle Fester: [a little affronted] Well, I had a mother, didn't I?
- Morticia Addams: Oh, dear, I can't believe it. My best friend, a husband stealer.
- Uncle Fester: Oh, she could get in trouble doing that. That's petty larceny.
- Morticia Addams: Gomez, this thing with Trivia has gone far enough.
- Gomez Addams: You're absolutely right. Heh, jilting me for Fester.
- Uncle Fester: Well, if anyone can do it, it's Mama. She's a real Femme Fatale. I spoke French. Bye!
- [turns and leaves as quick as he can]
- Morticia Addams: Uncle Fester does have an inner magnetism.
- Gomez Addams: Yes, he does have a certain 'je ne sais quoi'. Tish, that's French. I wish you'd said that.
- Morticia Addams: Trivia now, darling, 'je ne sais quoi' later.
- Gomez Addams: You said it!
- [starts kissin her hand]
- Morticia Addams: Later darling, later...