- Gomez Addams: Abigail's always fancied herself as the head of the Addams family. Besides, she thinks I'm some kind of a nut.
- Morticia Addams: You? Impossible!
- Gomez Addams: Even tried to prove it in court once before.
- Uncle Fester: Good thing the judge fell asleep.
- Uncle Fester: Hold it! Abigail's probably got spies all over the place. We'd better look around. Can't be too careful. The walls have ears.
- Gomez Addams: Interesting thought.
- Eleanor Courtney: Robespierre, we've just got to get you together with Wednesday Addams.
- Robespierre Courtney: But you said you didn't want me to have anything to do with those kooks.
- Mr. Henry Courtney: That was before your mother found out that little girl was related to Abigail Quincy Addams.
- Eleanor Courtney: It just so happens that Abigail Quincy Addams is one of the most socially prominent women in America.
- Robespierre Courtney: Is that what you meant by "riff-raff?"
- Wednesday Addams: [loaded down with boy-trapping equipment] What advice do you have for me, Lurch?
- Lurch: [gestures at having nothing] Ugggggh...
- Wednesday Addams: [dropping the equipment to embrace Lurch] Oh, I love you, Lurch.
- Gomez Addams: Fester, these are Robespierre's parents.
- Uncle Fester: Oh, hi! Who's Robespierre?
- Gomez Addams: He's the little tyke Wednesday's set her cap for.
- Uncle Fester: Oh. When's the wedding?
- Eleanor Courtney: And now if we could just meet old Mrs. Addams.
- Morticia Addams: As soon as she's finished wrestling the alligator.
- Pugsley Addams: Yesterday she got so upset for him while waiting for his call that she let the trains run for twenty minutes without one crash.
- Morticia Addams: Wednesday, you didn't.
- Gomez Addams: Shocking waste of electricity. We could've recharged Uncle Fester ten times with all that power.
- Wednesday Addams: I'm sorry, Father, but you don't measure love with dollars.
- Pugsley Addams: That's a woman for ya.
- Robespierre Courtney: Did you call me, mother?
- Mrs. Eleanor Courtney: [shouting] What have they done to you?
- Robespierre Courtney: First she made me blow up the train. Then she wanted to put me in a guillotine. Just because my name is Robespierre.
- Mrs. Eleanor Courtney: [upset] My husband is going to write a letter to the papers about this!
- Mr. Henry Courtney: How can I? All my pens are broken! Lets get out of here!
- Gomez Addams: [picks up a newspaper which was just thrown through the front window] I'll have to speak to that newsboy... I've told him we wanted the paper delivered through the back window.
- Morticia Addams: Now, remember, my dear, in all your relationships with boys, you must be shy and modest.
- Wednesday Addams: Yes, Mother.
- Morticia Addams: Poise and good manners are important, too. For instance, when Robespierre comes, I think it would be proper for you to curtsey.
- Wednesday Addams: Curtsey?
- Morticia Addams: Yes. Let's try.
- [They curtsey together. Wednesday struggles to stand back up again]
- Wednesday Addams: In this dress?
- Morticia Addams: I see what you mean.