Photos
Quotes
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Manny Sanchez : [Peter parks his car in the Employee of the Month parking space] Hi, I'm Manny Sanchez, from the commissary, and I'm the Employee of the Month.
Peter Dragon : Well that's fantastic, Manny. What is that, some kind of award for not peeing in the cob salads?
Manny Sanchez : I never pee in the cob salads.
Peter Dragon : Really? That's too bad, because if I was you, I would have peed in the cob salads. In fact, I would have peed in every fuckin' cob salad every fuckin' day so every one of those cocksuckers in that commissary would have had a taste of Peter fuckin' Dragon. But you know what, Manny? That's just me. Move.
Manny Sanchez : You're Peter Dragon?
Peter Dragon : Yeah, I'm Peter Dragon. That's right. And while you've admirably restrained yourself over the years from peeing in the cob salads, I've made ten motion pictures that have earned this studio a billion dollars. So I'm gonna continue to park wherever the fuck I want because, unfortunately for you, I am Employee of the fucking Century! Congratulations on your award, though. Your parents must be very proud.
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Peter Dragon : We bought the wrong script?
Stuart Glazer : Well, we've bought crappy scripts before.
Peter Dragon : Yeah, but that was on purpose! Okay, how much did we pay Mr. "Is-there-gonna-be-a-party-afterwards?"
Peter Dragon : I have no idea. Not very much, I'm sure.
Gina : Two hundred and fifty thousand.
Peter Dragon : What? Hey, Stuart, look at me. Are you telling me we spent a quarter of a million dollars and we got the wrong Jew? What are you thinking? A quarter mil for Adam Rafkin. Adam Rafkin couldn't write his name in the snow with his dick!
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Peter Dragon : I'm really looking forward to us working together.
Keanu Reeves : Peter, I have some concerns.
Peter Dragon : Well, I'd like to hear about them.
Keanu Reeves : I'm a little concerned that your date has her hand down my pants.
Wendy Ward : I'm a big fan.
Keanu Reeves : Why, thank you. I'm getting to be a pretty big fan of yours, too.
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Peter Dragon : Look, Stuart, go in the men's room right now, sit in a stall, and see if you can hear the buzz on the picture.
Stuart Glazer : Jesus, Peter, I'm the president of production. Make Gina do it.
Peter Dragon : I don't care what they're saying in the ladies' room. I have Harvey Keitel pummeling Wynona Ryder's face with a tire iron. It's not exactly a woman's film!
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Adam Rafkin : [At Bobby G's beach front Christmas party] Hi, it's me, Adam Rafkin. Merry Christmas. This is funny that we're running into each other like this. What did you think of my script. Did you...?
Peter Dragon : Rafkin, I'm trying to celebrate the birth of Christ with my family, and... hundreds of beautiful, young, gay men. How dare you come here on the holiest of days and crap on our Christmas with talk of show business?
Stuart Glazer : [Stuart walks up in a speedo] Peter.
Peter Dragon : Stuart, what are you doing here?
Stuart Glazer : I have a *life.*
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Wendy Ward : I hated the stupid music, I thought it flat out sucked!
Stuart Glazer : It's electronic.
Wendy Ward : Yeah, so's my vibrator. But I don't have to sit in a chair and listen to it for an hour and a half.
Stuart Glazer : Who the hell are you?
Peter Dragon : She's my prostitute.
Stuart Glazer : [stuttering] She's your whore?
Peter Dragon : No, she's my prostitute. You're my whore.
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Peter Dragon : Listen to me, she can come to the pre-premiere party, she can come to the premiere, she can come to the post-premiere party, but she cannot come to the post-premiere party party. What do you mean, why?. Because she's ugly!
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Peter Dragon : The head of security is sleeping on a couch. Get him a blanket!
Uncle Lonnie : And a bagel.
Peter Dragon : And a bagel!
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Wendy Ward : Hey, you want a date?
Peter Dragon : I'm gonna puke on you.
Wendy Ward : Gee, I don't think I have a price for that.
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Peter Dragon : Don't talk about the music. Everybody knows, when your friends don't like your movie and they can't think of anything nice to say they talk about the music.
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Peter Dragon : You know I'm really sorry you had to see Bruce Willis behave like that.
Wendy Ward : Oh, please, It's okay. I just hope the cat is alright.
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Dodi : Suppose I could deliver you a star so big that little children in the crap-infested streets of Calcutta know his name.
Peter Dragon : Dodi, I'm eating spring rolls.
Dodi : Sorry. But suppose I could deliver this huge star, I mean, a guy better known than Tom Hanks, and you'd only have to pay him scale?
Peter Dragon : Who is it?
Dodi : Well, he's a very complicated client.
Peter Dragon : Who is?
Dodi : I can't tell you.
Peter Dragon : Can you give me a hint?
Dodi : Eh, he had some legal problems.
Peter Dragon : Drugs? Is it Robert Downey Jr.?
Dodi : No, Pete, my man's clean. Straight-arrow, strong, healthy.
Peter Dragon : Can you give me a bigger hint?
Dodi : Well... he was falsely accused of a double murder.
[pause as Peter looks at him]
Dodi : Now, because of the potential P.R. problems, my agency can't officially
[makes air quotes]
Dodi : represent him.
Peter Dragon : You're pitching me O.J. Simpson.
Dodi : Yes, I am. Pete, little children in Calcutta know his face.
Peter Dragon : Yes, they know to run away from it.
Dodi : The name is more recognizable than Tom Hanks.
Peter Dragon : Okay. But, you know what, Tom Hanks refuses to go that extra mile and hack his WIFE to death!
Dodi : He was acquitted, man! Pete, with all due respect, someone's gonna put him in something, and people are gonna want to see him. Sure, at first, as a curiosity, but I think they're going to be pleasantly surprised with his acting chops. Now, he's been studying with a coach- I recently saw him do a monologue from "Raisin in the Sun".
Peter Dragon : Really? How was that?
Dodi : Truthfully? It was very moving.
Peter Dragon : Dodi?
Dodi : Yeah?
Peter Dragon : Get out!
Dodi : How about a villain? He'll play a villain. Come on, who's scarier?
[mimes stabbing]
Peter Dragon : YOU'RE scarier! God!
Dodi : Come on, Peter, just the shock value sells a million tickets, and he's going at bargain-basement rates. Hey Pete, do you play golf?
Peter Dragon : You know what? I think I just threw up, like, inside my throat? Get out, please.
[shuts the door on him]
Dodi : [from outside] Okay, but just a word of warning: The guys at Fox are all over him!
