- [after meeting the Colonel and Grandma Ruth]
- Jimmy Moon: Why didn't you warn me? I wasn't properly warned.
- Lucy Camden: I did warn you! Matt and Mary even showed you!
- Jimmy Moon: You're right. I fell victim to my own arrogance.
- John 'The Colonel' Camden: You call that a plan? That's the most Harebrained scheme I've ever heard!
- Rev. Eric Camden: Well, gee, I thought it was pretty creative.
- John 'The Colonel' Camden: Am I the only one in this room that thinks this idea is ridiculous?
- Annie Camden: I... I kinda like it.
- Julie Camden: I think it'll solve everything.
- Ruth Camden: I'm all for it. I'm thrilled!
- John 'The Colonel' Camden: You're thrilled? We adopted George. We are not adopting his father!
- Det. Will Grayson: Well, who asked you to? I'm not nuts about this idea either! I don't want to be anywhere near this blowhard!
- John 'The Colonel' Camden: Mister! Mickey Mouse called me that once, and I fed him his three-fingered glove!
- Det. Will Grayson: Huh?