Fanboys (2009)

Jay Baruchel: Windows

Photos 

Quotes 

• [last lines] 

  Eric : Hey guys.

  Windows : What?

  Hutch : What, man?

  Eric : What if the movie sucks?

• Windows : You guys both got to stop perpetuating this myth that Boba Fett is some kind of bad-ass. All right? He has a jet pack. So did the Rocketeer. Really cool. When it comes time for battle, the man's Michael Bay - all style, no substance.

  Hutch : If you diss the Fett the again, I will corn-hole you with a lightsaber!

• Windows : Harrison Ford is the greatest actor of all time!

  Eric : In the history of cinema?

  Windows : He's Han Solo, Indiana Jones. Yes!

  Eric : Deckard from Blade Runner.

  Windows : Yes. Exactly. Greatest actor of all time. He's never done a bad movie.

  [the van drives by a billboard for the 1998 movie "Six Days, Seven Nights"] 

• Crystal : We're not hookers, we're escorts!

  Windows : The difference being...?

  Crystal : I don't know.

• Hutch : Rule number one: In my van, it's Rush. All Rush, all the time. No exceptions. Rule number two: Nobody touch the red button. And I mean never touch the red button. Most importantly, rule number three: There's no jerking it in my van!

  Windows : [throwing up his hands]  Fine...

  Hutch : [amid laughter]  Don't roll your eyes at ME, Admiral Jackbar!

• [laying down together, Windows spooning Zoe] 

  Zoe : That better be your lucky R2 poking me.

  Windows : Nope. My penis.

• Windows : What's your game plan?

  Eric : We storm the ranch or we die trying.

  Windows : Yeah.

• Windows : Stop humping. Please stop humping. Just high five.

  Hutch : Oh, God. I'm Jabba the Hump.

• Linus : Official Episode 1 countdown is six months, 12 days, eight hours and some change.

  Windows : I would sell my soul to see that movie right here right now.

  Hutch : Dude, I would sell my left nut. And I only have the one nut. So you see how serious I am?

• Admiral Seasholtz : Okay. Hilarious, everyone. Looks like we got more Lucas hounds here to mock Roddenberry. Congratulations, gentleman, but I would like to see your Darth Vader take on one Borg drone. And we'll see who's laughing then. Am I right?

  Windows : Darth Vader can put the entire Borg collective in a vice grip with his mind.

  Admiral Seasholtz : Uh, Darth Vader has asthma, so name me one Star Trek character with a respiratory disease, 'cause I'm drawing a blank.

  Linus : Name me one Star Wars character who's gay.

  Hutch : Beside's you.

  Admiral Seasholtz : Well, no one's gay in Star Trek, so why would I even do that?

  Linus : Captain Picard.

  Admiral Seasholtz : Okay. Captain Picard is not gay. He's British.

  Windows : [in a swishy voice]  Come on. "Make it so!"

• [after having landed in the garbage disposal room] 

  Windows : I have a bad feeling about this.

  Hutch : Um, you guys don't think that the, um...

  Linus : We are in George Lucas' trash room.

  Eric : Don't be ridiculous, okay? The walls are not gonna close in on us.

  [the walls begin to move in] 

• Windows : So, we're all hunky-dory? We're all copacetic?

  Roach : Well, if the word "copacetic" means I'm gonna rip off your tongue and lick your ass with it, then yeah, we're copacetic.

• Windows : I met her in a Jedi chatroom. The woman is perfect. She's intelligent and acerbic, and a die-hard fan. She's even got connections inside the Lucas camp.

  Linus : Who's also got a man package and a goatee.

  Windows : You guys are all just jealous because she describes herself as a cross between Sarah Michelle Gellar and Janeane Garafolo.

  Hutch : Tell 'em how you described yourself.

  Windows : I was perfectly honest with her.

  Linus : You said you look like a white Billy Dee Williams. You called yourself white chocolate.

  Windows : I *am* white chocolate.

• Head Of Security : Mr. Lucas is touched and mildly flattered by what have done here. And I have been informed that I feel the same way. So the charges are gonna be dropped. That is, of course, if you are what you appear to be.

  Windows : Uh, what do we appear to be?

  Head Of Security : Fanboys. Something we can easily determine with a simple quiz.

• Hutch : I'm telling you, man. I took that Vulcan down hard. I rolled him into the dirt like he was my frickin tauntaun.

  Eric : Tauntaun, my ass. If it wasn't for me, you guys would all be dead.

  Windows : What fight were you watching? I was channeling the emperor.

  Linus : The emperor? I don't remember the emperor crapping his robe and screaming "time-out."

  Eric : Oh, my God. That's right.

  Windows : There is such a thing as time-out.

  Hutch : [imitating The Emperor]  I can feel your anger growing inside. Wait. Time-out.

• Hutch : Dude, you're gonna be my Dak today, all right? Follow my lead.

  Windows : Wait, wait. Whoa, whoa. You wanna just talk to them?

  Hutch : Yeah. It's called having balls.

  Zoe : Or in your case, one ball.

• Hutch : What the hell are you doing, man? You're poking me.

  Windows : Oh, God. Don't flatter yourself, okay? It's just my R2. My lucky R2.

  Hutch : Man, you wish you had the height and girth of D2.

• [after getting flashed by a woman passerby] 

  Windows : Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

  Eric : Shut up, man! It was a hundred miles ago! Stop living in the past!

• Windows : What's your new game plan?

  Eric : Let's get in the van and get the hell outta here!

• [first lines] 

  Hutch : [as Stormtrooper]  Halloween just got awesome, bitches!

  Linus : [as Stormtrooper]  Prepare for the entrance of Lord Vader.

  Windows : [as Darth Vader]  Give yourself to the Dark Side. It's the only way you can save your...