Postal (2007)

Larry Thomas: Osama Bin Laden

Photos 

Quotes 

• Osama bin Laden : [on the walkie-talkie]  The fat man is at the buffet.

  Mohammed : What?

  Osama bin Laden : I repeat: the fat man is at the buffet.

  Mohammed : What the fuck are you talking about?

  Osama bin Laden : The van is here you idiot.

• Osama bin Laden : I'm telling you, Mohammed, I've seen that gas station before. We're lost.

  Mohammed : We're not lost. All gas stations look alike in this country. What is wrong with you?

  Osama bin Laden : Would you just stop to ask for directions?

  Mohammed : Would you get off my back? I'm doing the best I can, okay?

  Osama bin Laden : I should be driving.

  Mohammed : Oh, so you can do everything around here, huh? Be the head of an organization and also be the driver? What is wrong with you?

• Osama bin Laden : I'm gonna go watch Oprah.

  Mohammed : [as Osama is leaving]  She's looking good these days. The diet is working!

• [from trailer] 

  Osama bin Laden : Uwe Boll may be an infidel, but he made a very funny film.

• Osama bin Laden : Write me up an e-mail, tell me what pipe you're talkin' about and I'll blow it all the way to Mecca.

  George W. Bush : I really appreciate it. I'll ask Laura to type that out. You know me and spelling and all...

  [laughs] 

  Osama bin Laden : Later...

  [hangs up; to Taliban] 

  Osama bin Laden : Jihad!

• Mohammed : Where are the fucking keys? They gotta be somewhere.

  Osama bin Laden : I thought you had the keys?

  Mohammed : [searches for the keys in his clothes]  You know, sometimes it helps recreating your steps.

  Osama bin Laden : [finds the keys in his clothes]  Mohammed!

• Osama Bin Ladin : Allah be praised! Now has come the time to sacrafice your lives to avenge this outrage!

  Mohammed : Or... we could just kill... the other guys! Yeah!

  Other Talibans : Yeah!

  [the other Talibans shoot through the roof of the car with their machine guns] 

• Osama bin Laden : They're not listening to me anymore, Mohammed. I tell them about Allah and glory and what do I get? What do i get all the damn time?

  Mohammed : Virgins...

  Osama bin Laden : Dingdingdingdingdingding! Nobody wants to die anymore unless they get virgins.

• [last lines] 

  Osama Bin Ladin : George, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.