- [first lines]
- Ben Conrad: Charlie, you gotta come see this.
- Charlie Conrad: Don't you knock?
- Ben Conrad: Come look at my room.
- Charlie Conrad: Ben, I gotta finish this before school.
- Ben Conrad: I made a new wall for my fort and it's really strong.
- Charlie Conrad: Impressive, considering it's probably made out of couch cushions.
- [last lines]
- Ben Conrad: Hey, Charlie. Hey, Dad.
- Doug Conrad: Hey.
- Charlie Conrad: Hey.
- Ben Conrad: Look at this.
- [starts swinging wooden sword]
- Doug Conrad: OK.
- Ben Conrad: Whoa!
- Charlie Conrad: Whoa! Look at that.
- Doug Conrad: Hey, look what I brought you.
- [pulls wooden shield out of bag]
- Ben Conrad: Cool!
- Doug Conrad: Yeah... Look at that, huh?
- [hands shield to Ben]
- Doug Conrad: Pretty good.
- Ben Conrad: Here. Hold this.
- [hands sword to Charlie]
- Ben Conrad: Attack me.
- Doug Conrad: Uh-oh.
- Charlie Conrad: Sure?
- Doug Conrad: En guard!
- Charlie Conrad: OK.
- [starts attacking]
- Charlie Conrad: Bam. Bam. Bam.
- Ben Conrad: Now, do it slow motion.
- Doug Conrad: Slow motion.
- Charlie Conrad: OK.
- [starts attacking in slow motion]
- Doug Conrad: Whoo. That's great.
- Ben Conrad: Now, give it to Dad.
- Doug Conrad: [takes sword] Ready?
- [starts attacking]
- Charlie Conrad: Careful.
- [laughs]
- Jordan Rivers: You're interesting. I'm gonna write you as a character in my book.
- Charlie Conrad: Good luck with that.
- Jordan Rivers: [looking at photo] This your mom?
- Charlie Conrad: Uh-huh.
- Jordan Rivers: She's pretty.
- Charlie Conrad: Thanks.
- Jordan Rivers: Where is she?
- Charlie Conrad: She's on vacation.
- Jordan Rivers: Where's your dad?
- Charlie Conrad: He left.
- Jordan Rivers: So if I'm going to write a character based on you, I'm gonna need some more information.
- Charlie Conrad: Like what?
- Jordan Rivers: Well, first off... what are you?
- Charlie Conrad: We're not gonna spy on the bagger.
- Tori Marshall: Why not?
- Charlie Conrad: Because he'll think we're freaks.