The History Boys (2006)
Clive Merrison: The Headmaster
Quotes
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Headmaster : There's a vacancy in history.
Tom Irwin : [Thoughtfully] That's very true.
Headmaster : In the school.
Tom Irwin : Ah.
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[talking about Tom Irwin]
Headmaster : He comes highly-recommended.
Mrs. Lintott : So did Anne of Cleves.
Headmaster : Who? He's up-to-the-minute, more "now".
Mrs. Lintott : [dryly] Now? I thought history was "then".
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Headmaster : Ah, Irwin! Splendid news!
[pops the cork of a bottle of champagne]
Headmaster : Splendid news! Posner a scholarship! Dakin an exhibition! And places for everybody else!
[cops a feel of Fiona's bum]
Headmaster : It's... it's more then one could have ever hoped for! Irwin you are to be congratulated! A remarkable achievement! Oh and, you too, you too Dorothy of course, you, ah, laid the foundation.
Mrs. Lintott : Not Rudge headmaster.
Headmaster : Not Rudge. Oh, dear.
Tom Irwin : He said nothing, the others have all had letters.
Headmaster : There's always an outside chance. It's a pity, it would have been good to have a clean swoop.
[Rudge appears at the door, but only seen by Mrs. Lintott]
Headmaster : Still as I've said all along, you can't polish a turd.
Mrs. Lintott : [Rudge leaves and Mrs. Lintott takes after him down the hallway] Rudge!
[Rudge stops and turns around]
Mrs. Lintott : You haven't heard from Oxford?
[Rudge shakes his head]
Mrs. Lintott : Perhaps you'll hear tomorrow.
Rudge : Why should I? They told me when I was there.
Mrs. Lintott : I'm sorry.
Rudge : What for? I got in.
Mrs. Lintott : How come?
Rudge : How come they told me, or how come they took a thick sod like me?... I had family connections.
Mrs. Lintott : [incredulously] Somebody in your family went to Christ Church?
Rudge : In a manner of speaking, my Dad, before he got married he was a college servant there. This old, parson, who just been sitting there most of the interview, suddenly said was I related to Bill Rudge who was a scout in staircase seven in the ninety-fifties. So, said he was my Dad, and they said I was the kind of candidate they were looking for. Mind you I did do the other stuff, like Stalin was a sweetie and Wilfred Owen was a wuss. They said I was plainly someone who thought for himself, and exactly what the college rugger team needed.
Mrs. Lintott : Are you not pleased?
Rudge : It's not like winning a match.
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Headmaster : So the upshot is I am glad he handled his pupils' balls because at least that I can categorise.
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Headmaster : Fuck the Ren-ai-ssance! And fuck literature, and Plato, and Michaelangelo, and Oscar Wilde, and all the other shrunken violets you people line up. This is a school, and it isn't normal!
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[about Hector]
Headmaster : On enquiry I find his pupils know all the words of "When I'm Cleaning Windows".
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[talking about the school]
Headmaster : We're low in the league. I want to see us up there with Manchester Grammar, Haberdasher Askes, Leighton Park... or is that an open prison?
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Headmaster : I was a geographer. I went to Hull.