User Reviews

This is a terribly lame (and very late) attempt to cash in on The Blair Witch Project. Two wanna-be film makers want to send four "actors" into a supposedly haunted house armed with flashlights and camcorders so they can put together a Blair Witch-like movie.

Unbeknownst to the actors (but suspected), the film makers have the house rigged with bad special effects and hidden cameras to capture the mortal terror they are sure to suffer. Unbeknownst to the film makers and the actors, the house is really haunted by the ghost some unknown man who was apparently murdered in the house in 1888. Painfully known to anyone who has watched this film is that there are no scares, no chills, and laughable special effects.

There is absolutely nothing in this film that hasn't been done before (and done better) which leaves the gratuitous two seconds of nudity as the best part of the film. And those two seconds are certainly not worth the rental fee or the waste of 88 minutes of your life!

Bottom line: bad plot + bad acting + no scares = BAD MOVIE

Haunted House (2004) is a waste of digital space upon a D.V.D. disc I have ever seen. I have watched crappy movies before but this has to be worst thing I have ever seen. This did not even resemble a movie in the least. The structure, lighting, writing, acting and direction is the pits. I cannot believe this "movie" was even distributed in a major video rental chain store. I mean I can not find one thing good to say about it. The flick was padded out to the extreme and the film makers seemed to have run out of ideas and other ways to extend the running time past seventy minutes.

The "movie" begins with some thirty something frat boys hanging outside of what appears to be a spooky "house". They seem to be reliving and old urban legend about people disappearing inside a ghost house. If you have heard the tale before it's old news (a "kid" walks in and never comes out and the frat boys come and and find him dead of fright, the boys soon fall victim to a death curse). The tale is told by a really bad film maker, he convinces his friends (A group of old teenagers) to hang out inside and outside an empty structure that looks like a cross between a barn and a large doll house. After torturing the audience with some of the worst movie making the world has ever since (I have seen Cable Access shows with better film making skills and production) they give us a cheap payoff by repeating what happened in the beginning. The movie ends with voice-overs, still pictures and rehashed footage.

They should take all the copies of this movie and bury them with the million copies of unsold E.T. Atari 2600 games out there in the New Mexico desert. Asylum should also be punished for helping to release this garbage. This movie failed all the simple logical steps that are needed to create a watchable movie. Haunted House had no acting, lame writing, terrible direction, no lighting and gutter level production values.

Avoid like the plague!

This movie was the gayzor. It made me choke on stuff. I do know it was a student film, but it couldn't be any worse than if my cat directed it. The movie started off with a frat house with some awesome song playing. It kept switching from that scene over to some toy train coming close to the camera. It was quite absurd. Then it went to some stupid guys going to some house and they thought it was scary. This loser had to go into it to be accepted into their frat for asshole lickers. After the story, it went over to some crappy camera into this house of some losers and stuff was talked about. There was a director with 4 normal people who were supposed to be in a house that wasn't scary. Since it was a movie, the movie people wanted them to not know about the scary stuff so they would get quality acting. Then a guy and a girl went into the house as one guy and girl stayed outside with their horrible ad libbing skills. The movie crew found out that some scary stuff wasn't due to them and they ran away because a friend of theirs got cold. Then the guy who was outside went into the house and stayed in there for a while with some old man. Then they left. And for some reason after they all left the house, they all started dying for no reason whatsoever. The only parts that stood out was some guy saying "Be up in a minute!" and the night vision wind camera. I hate this movie and everyone who was in it. The only redeeming factor was the song called "Climbing up the stairs".

I just want to say something real quick before we begin. This movie shouldn't exist. If I could go back in time I would go back to the beginning of Conrad John's lineage and smite his ancestors so that he may never make a movie such that is this. I cannot even begin to describe how this movie fails on all accounts. The director makes a comment about how most of the dialogue is ad-libbed. I think most of his career is ad-libbed. And by ad-libbed I mean suck. Conrad feels the need to emphasize various aspects of the movie by showing his characters doing the same damn thing over and over again in long drawn out shots. One thing I do have to give him credit for though is that he doesn't pussyfoot around showing boobs. He just comes right out and says "lol it pretty much has to be done so we're gonna do it." Aside from that, and the awesome soundtrack, this movie has absolutely nothing going for it. It's not even cheesy, it's just over an hour of mindless whatever that will make you cry and say "What did I just watch? What is this? Where am I and why am I typing a review for it?"