Superhero Movie (2008)
Drake Bell: Rick Riker
Photos
Quotes
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Uncle Albert : Remember, with great power comes...
Rick Riker : Great responsibility?
Uncle Albert : Well, I was gonna say bitches, but if you want to be a virgin for the rest of your life...
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Rick Riker : Now I'm never gonna know the secret to becoming a superhero.
Mrs. Xavier : You wanna know the secret? Come close.
[smacks Rick]
Mrs. Xavier : Make a costume, shithead!
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Dr. Stephen Hawking : If there is one lesson my life can teach, is it that the spirit is stronger than the body. The hero comes from within.
Dragonfly : Those are Celine Dion lyrics.
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Rick Riker : [opening the front door] Uncle Albert!
[Albert turns and shoots a nail from a nail gun; Rick catches the nail]
Uncle Albert : [amazed] How did you do that?
Rick Riker : It's... easier than it looks.
Uncle Albert : [shoots Trey in the hand] Nope. I don't think so.
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Dr. Whitby : So, what brings you here?
Rick Riker : My uncle.
Dr. Whitby : Your uncle brought you here?
Rick Riker : No, he's gravely injured.
Dr. Whitby : Well, he shouldn't be driving, then.
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Rick Riker : [Rick sees that Lou is coughing blood] Are you okay, Mr. Landers?
Lou Landers : Oh, I'm fine, son. This is just healthy cough-blood!
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Rick Riker : I'm not wearing any diamonds.
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Jill's Mother : [shouting from a window] You're a whore, just like your mother!
[Jill's mother goes back inside]
Rick Riker : Who was that?
Jill Johnson : My mother.
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[after Aunt Lucille farts through Rick and Jill's conversation, Hourglass breaks through the window]
Hourglass : Sorry to drop in uninvited.
Rick Riker : It's okay. We were hoping someone would open a window. It was getting stuffy in here.
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Undertaker : This is gonna be difficult for you but you've got to identify the body.
Rick Riker : This isn't my aunt.
Undertaker : Yes. That's why it's going to be difficult.
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Rick Riker : See, you're not even in my top five!
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Uncle Albert : With great power comes... ow!
Rick Riker : Great responsibility? Try to breathe!
Uncle Albert : I can't. You're kneeling on my balls!
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Rick Riker : [during a prolonged conversation with Jill while plummeting from a rooftop] This is a really tall building.
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[Rick, Aunt Lucille, Jill, Lou and Lance are sitting down for their Thanksgiving dinner]
Lou Landers : [Lou looks at Rick's arm and sees a cut on it] What happened to your arm?
Rick Riker : Uh... A bike messenger knocked me down.
Rick Riker : I see your wrist is bandaged.
Lou Landers : Yes, I burned it on some hot coffee.
Lou Landers : And you have a cut on your lip.
Rick Riker : Uh... My crack pipe broke.
Rick Riker : You have a scratch on your neck.
Lou Landers : Yes, I met a girl on Craig's List.
Lou Landers : And you have a bruise on your neck.
Rick Riker : I met a guy on Craig's List.
Lou Landers : I'm sorry Lance, but we have to go.
Lance Landers : Why?
Lou Landers : I... shot my pants.
[Everyone looks at Lou in total shock]
Lance Landers : I'll drive.
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Lou Landers : What happened to your arm?
Rick Riker : Oh. Um, a bike messenger knocked me down. I see your wrist is bandaged.
Lou Landers : Yes, I burned it on some hot coffee, and you have a cut on your lip.
Rick Riker : Um... my crack pipe broke. You have a scratch on your neck.
Lou Landers : Yes, I, um... met a girl on Craigslist. And you have a bruise on *your* neck.
Rick Riker : I... met a *guy* on Craigslist.
Lou Landers : Sorry, Lance. We have to go.
Lance Landers : Why?
Lou Landers : I... shat my pants.
Lance Landers : I'll drive.
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Jill Johnson : There's something you're not telling me, isn't there? Something secret, something locked away. deep inside.
Rick Riker : Well, there is...
[hears voices echoing in his head]
Aunt Lucille Adams : Keep your identity a secret, Rick... Rick... Rick...
Trey : Dude, you're like a real superhero, man... man... man...
Uncle Albert : Once a month you'll bleed from your vagina... vagina... vagina... vagina...
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Jill's Mother : You're a whore just like your mother.
Rick Riker : Who was that?
Jill Johnson : My mother.
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Lunatic Editor : No, *you* listen to *me*! I want that story on my desk or you're fired!
[hangs up to phone]
Lunatic Editor : Who the hell are you?
Rick Riker : I was wondering if you had a job opening...
Lunatic Editor : Job? How dare you come in here and ask *me* for a job! *I'm* the editor in chief! I know the mayor of Venus! Hamburgers can see the future! Rosie O'Donnell--!
[two male nurses carry him out]
Actual Editor : Sorry about that. We share the building with a mental hospital.