Clerks II (2006)

Steven Rau: Diner #1

Quotes 

• Hobbit Lover : Hey man.

  Elias : [Puts on Mooby's hat]  Welcome to Mooby's, may I take your order?

  Hobbit Lover : Yeah um, let's see... Give me one udderly delicious Moo-ilk shake, Skinny Calf and a, order of onion rings. Thanks.

  Elias : [Typing into register. To himself:]  "One ring to rule them all."

  Hobbit Lover : [Surprised]  "One ring to find them."

  Randal Graves : [Eavesdropping]  Oh Jesus.

  Elias : "One ring to bring them all."

  Hobbit Lover : "And in the darkness bind them!"

  Elias : [Hi-5's the Hobbit Lover]  Yes! How many times?

  Hobbit Lover : Umm, three for 'Fellowship', two for 'Towers', *four* for 'Return'.

  Elias : [Showing off]  Five for return.

  Hobbit Lover : Dude.

  Randal Graves : Okay, look. There's only one 'Return', okay, and it ain't of 'The King', it's of 'The Jedi'.

  Hobbit Lover : [to Elias]  Oh, Star Wars geek.

  Randal Graves : Oh I'm the geek? Look at you two whipping out your preciouses.

  Elias : [to Hobbit Lover]  You'll have to excuse him. He's not 'down' with the trilogy.

  Randal Graves : Oh, what the fuck happened to this world? There's only one trilogy you fucking morons.

  Hobbit Lover : You know what, maybe we should start calling your friend Padme, because he loves Mannequin Skywalker so much, right?

  [Robotic genstures and monotone, imitating Anakin Skywalker] 

  Hobbit Lover : Danger, danger, my name is Anakin. My shitty acting is ruining saga.

  Elias : [Chuckles]  Yeah, you're crazy, Jar-Jar.

  Randal Graves : Oh I'm crazy? Those fucking hobbit movies were boring as hell. All it was was a bunch of people walking. Three movies of people walking to a fucking volcano... Here's the first movie...

  [Walks in a straight line, doped] 

  Randal Graves : ... And here's the second movie...

  [Walks in a straight line and steps] 

  Randal Graves : ...

  Hobbit Lover : He is way off. Loser.

  Randal Graves : ...You ready for the third movie?

  [Walks in a straight line again, and, at the end, pretends to take a ring off his finger and throw it away, then shrugs] 

  Diner #1 : Fuckin' A.