A Prairie Home Companion (2006)

Kevin Kline: Guy Noir

Photos 

Quotes 

• Guy Noir : She had a Mount Rushmore t-shirt on, and those guys never looked so good. Especially Jefferson and Lincoln. Kind of bloated but happy.

• Guy Noir : A lot of good people up there on the stage. A lot of them. I mean, I'm a man of the world like yourself. But these folks put their lives into this.

  Axeman : Now they can put their lives into something else. That's the beauty of the world. There's always something to put your life into, isn't there? It's like the scripture tells us, you have to lose your life before you can find it.

• Axeman : The plaster around the proscenium is beautiful. We should really be taping this.

  Guy Noir : It's a live radio show.

  Axeman : Videotape, for historical purposes.

• Guy Noir : This radio show was done out of an old theater called the Fitzgerald and it had been on the air since Jesus was in the third grade.

• Guy Noir : And her hair! It was what God had in mind when he said "Let there be..."

  Al, Stage Manager : Hair, right?

• Dangerous Woman : Do you believe in the fullness of time and the spirit? Most people don't, you know. It would be good, Mr. Noir, if you would open your heart to the fullness of time and the spirit, which upholds and sustains us through all this world. Amen.

  Guy Noir : Whatever you say.

• Rhonda Johnson : Hey, that was a terrific eulogy you gave old man Soderbergh at his memorial service.

  Garrison Keillor : Thank you.

  Guy Noir : Too bad the old coot couldn't have been there to hear it.

  Yolanda Johnson : Yeah... and to have missed it by just a few days.

• Guy Noir : They got old, babe. They started thinking about ease and comfort. Then I figure, they saw a brochure about an island with palm trees and an azure sky and miles of sand, and they thought: ''Hey! Ah! Ah! We don't have to suffer through these miserable Minnesota winters. We don't have to freeze our butts off waiting for our bus to come, our bus has come. It's here. We'll leave the business to the kids and we'll head for paradise and to hell with it.'' Only trouble is, the kids had already gone down to paradise ahead of them. So then, a big corporation down in Texas offered then a gazillion dollars for it. Texans. Sure. They talk funny and their eyes don't focus and their flesh is rotting and falling off, but hey. You know. So what? Yeah, nobody's perfect and, Uh... Money is money, so the Soderbergs took the dough. End of story. Do you have any tweezers?

• Guy Noir : It was curtains and everybody knew it, but nobody said so. They were Midwesterners. They felt like if you ignored bad news, it might go away. Not my philosophy, but I'm not from here.

• Guy Noir : A quiet night in a city that knows how to keep its secrets. But one man is still looking for the answers to life's persistent questions. That's me.

• Guy Noir : It was a rainy Saturday night in St. Paul and I had just finished off a grilled cheese sandwich with beans for a chaser.

• Guy Noir : Noir's the name. Guy Noir.

• Guy Noir : Stay on the edge of the crowd. Keep your eyes open. That's my motto.

• Guy Noir : I'd taken temporary employment about six years before doing security for a radio show called "A Prairie Home Companion" on account of a serious cash-flow problem due to a lack of missing heiresses and dead tycoons lying in the solarium with lipstick stains on their smoking jackets. In other words, I was broke.

• Guy Noir : She was wearing a white trench coat - so white that rain would be embarrassed to fall on it.

• Guy Noir : The skirt she was wearing was so tight you could read - the embroidery on her underwear. It said, 'Wash in lukewarm water and spin lightly.'

• Guy Noir : She gave me a smile so sweet - you could've poured it on your pancakes.

• Guy Noir : She was looking for the Presbyterian Church. Like a dope, I told her where it was. And out of my life she went, just as - quickly and erotically as she had entered it.

• Guy Noir : If anyone else knows about this and they're not saying anything, I need to know about that.

• Guy Noir : You're angelic enough for me. I say spread your wings and fly.

• Guy Noir : Here's to happy endings.

  Molly : Happy endings!

• Guy Noir : [singing]  So gather ye rosebuds while ye may, Oh, time is still a-flying, This same flower that smiles today, Tomorrow - Will be dying.

• Guy Noir : Look who just blew in from the old prairie. I thought you left town ahead of the sheriff?

  Dusty : Well, the woman decided not to press charges.

  Rhonda Johnson : Oh, yeah? What was the crime? Snorin'?