User Reviews

*SPOILER ALERT* *SPOILER ALERT*

"Bloody Tease" is a complete waste of time. There's just something about vampire strippers who don't strip that rubs me the wrong way. Three guys head to a strip club and run into vampire strippers. That's pretty much all there is to "Bloody Tease". The rest of the movie consists of partying down scenes as the guys try to persuade the strippers to finally take off some clothes back at their pad.

This movie is obscenely pointless. There's nothing here. I think the movie was thrown together with the idea that they'll film the guys making out with some hot women and somehow build a movie around that. All of the stripping scenes have absolutely no stripping in them! Not one single item of clothing falls off of any of the strippers! I found it hard to believe that the guys were having a great time when the women were half asleep and fully clothed. If I was at that strip club, I would have demanded my money back. In fact, I feel like demanding my money back right now.

Two of the vampire strippers finally get naked back at the swinging college pad but it's too late to save "Bloody Tease". If you're going to promise sleaze, deliver sleaze. "Bloody Tease" is certainly a tease. It promises you a good time with some hot vamps but gives you nothing but bad acting, a meaningless plot, mediocre gore effects and various other things that have nothing to do with a female vampire taking her clothes off.

Director Brad Sykes, writer Eric Spudic and producer David S. Sterling should be ashamed of themselves for having anything to do with this steaming pile of excrement and then having the gall to release it to try to bilk money off of people who have no idea what they are getting themselves into. When you get this, you expect a T&A horror comedy. What you get is a T&A horror comedy. The only problems are that you get only very brief T&A from women who look like used up streetwalkers, the horror scenes are pathetic and superfluous and the film does not provide a single laugh (or even a plot) thanks to a painfully bad screenplay that seems like it was whipped up by a 10 year old. It was shot with a cheap camcorder and the production quality is no better than your own home videos with the expected terrible acting, terrible sound and terrible picture quality. There are hundreds of B movies out there with better production values, better looking women and some actual fun to be had therein. This is not one of them. I will avoid any films from the trio of Sykes-Spudic-Sterling in the future. I feel really cheated with this one.

This critique will summarize the entire film in the most basic terms and will contain all remarkable spoilers. Reader discretion is advised.

"Bloody Tease" appeared to be an innocent, low-budget, independent vampire film when I bought it from a pawn shop. It began with the 3 female antagonists--Treasure, Monique, and Serena--stripteasing and lap dancing for a young man's birthday in their seedy strip club (named the "Fetish Jam"). After which, they exsanguinated--aka drank the blood of-- the new patrons, a modus operandi you'll see perpetrated a few times before the ending/credits arrive.

The plot shifts from this unsatisfying suck-fest to the daily lives of two young, male college students (Ken, Sammy, and Martin) facing typical social and academic issues, but mainly focusing their efforts on the quest for sex. All except for Ken, whose loyalty lies with a moody girlfriend (named Jessica) who always bitches and moans to him over the phone, not to mention has never put out to him over the months which they've dated. This aforementioned loyalty will be broken as soon as the guys search for strippers, and ultimately trouble...

When the men visit the Fetish Jam, they're immediately as overcome with lust as the vampiresses. Over the course of a couple soft-core sex scenes: (A) Treasure loves Ken and wants to convert him; (B) Sammy gets some nookie from Monique; and (C) geeky Martin is killed by Serena, on camera, during an erotic dorm session. Now between the search and these sessions, my DVD skipped over a section, thus I never saw what insignificant intro sequence these boring sexual performances would've had. But let's not digress as I still need to address the conclusion and my verdict.

Despite the long murder count and their friend Greg's death (the birthday boy at the film's start), it was Martin's death and Jessica's arrival which spurred them to action. Whilst the first effort merely irked the ladies and nearly cost the youths their lives, they found a victim's journal that revealed a peculiar truth about the vampire strippers' weakness. For it wasn't the heart but the eyes that needed to be stabbed in order to kill their breed. Difficult in theory, but however the bloodsuckers never put up much of a fight against their former patrons. So the threat was annihilated, and Ken finally got to make love to his chubby girlfriend, only for a pair of vampiric eyes watch them from an open window...perhaps the end has yet to come?

Perhaps the ending was nothing more than a cheap cliché added to a flimsy apology for a homegrown vampire film. If one were to ignore the characters' stupidity and the mythological inconsistency, there would still be the fuzzy camera resolution, generic dialogue, atrociously weak audio and complete lack of subtitles. Not to mention whether that scene skip was either a mere scratch on my copy, or a glitch within the product itself.

"Bloody Tease" earns a rating of 2 out of 10, only because the sexual scenes could be used as erotic material for teenagers, and that's being generous. Otherwise, trade it into your local DVD store for credit and pray no one else wastes money on this ilk!