Transformers (2007)

Kevin Dunn: Ron Witwicky

Photos 

Quotes 

• Judy Witwicky : [barging into Sam's bedroom, her husband in tow]  Oh, for Pete's sakes! You are so defensive! Were you... masturbating?

  Ron Witwicky : Judy...

  Sam Witwicky : [frantic]  Was I master... No, Mom!

  Ron Witwicky : Zip it, okay?

  Judy Witwicky : It's okay...

  Sam Witwicky : No, I don't masturbate!

  Ron Witwicky : That's not something for you to bring up.

  Judy Witwicky : Okay.

  Ron Witwicky : That's a father-and-son thing, okay?

  Sam Witwicky : Father-son thing...

  Judy Witwicky : I mean, you don't have to call it that word if that makes you uncomfortable... you can call it Sam's happy time or...

  Sam Witwicky : [amazed]  Happy time?

  Judy Witwicky : ...my special alone time...

  Ron Witwicky : Judy, stop!

  Judy Witwicky : ...with myself.

  Sam Witwicky : Mom, you can't come in and...

  Judy Witwicky : I'm sorry. It's just been a weird night. I've had a little bit to drink.

• Ron Witwicky : [drives past a Porsche dealer]  I've got a little surprise for you, son.

  Sam Witwicky : No, no, no, no! Dad! Oh, you've got to be kidding me!

  Ron Witwicky : Yeah, I am. You're not getting a Porsche!

  [laughs] 

• Sam Witwicky : Look, I can't be any clearer than how crystal clear I am being. It just stood up.

  Sheriff : It just stood up? Wow. That's really neat. Okay, chiefie. Time to fill her up...

  [hands Sam a container and a tissue] 

  Sheriff : And no drippy-drippy. What are you rolling? Whippets? Goof balls? A little wowie sauce with the boys?

  Sam Witwicky : No, I'm not on any drugs!

  Sheriff : What's these?

  [shows Sam a bottle of pills] 

  Sheriff : Found it in your pocket. "Mojo". Is that what the kids are doing now, a little bit of Mojo...?

  Sam Witwicky : Those are my dog's pain pills.

  Ron Witwicky : You know, a Chihauhua. A little...

  Sheriff : [annoyed]  What was that?

  Sam Witwicky : Hmm?

  Sheriff : You eyeballing my piece, 50 Cent? You wanna go?

  [leans over Sam] 

  Sheriff : Make something happen. Do it. 'Cause I promise you I will bust you up.

  Sam Witwicky : [whispers]  Are you on drugs?

• [Ratchet runs into power lines, shocking him and causing a tremor throughout the neighborhood] 

  Ron Witwicky : [crawling under a table]  Earthquake! Earthquake! Judy, get under the table!

  Judy Witwicky : How did you get over there so fast?

  [Outside, a dazed Ratchet staggers to his feet] 

  Ratchet : Wow... that was tingly! You gotta try that!

  Ironhide : [sarcastic]  Yeah, that looks fun...

• Bobby Bolivia : [about the Camaro]  I'll let you have it for $5,000.

  Ron Witwicky : No, I'm not going above $4,000.

  Bobby Bolivia : The door just closed.

  [turns to Sam] 

  Bobby Bolivia : Get out of the car.

  Sam Witwicky : Wait a minute? I thought you said "the car chooses its owner.",

  Bobby Bolivia : Yeah, well sometimes they pick a driver with a cheap-ass father!

• Agent Simmons : Ronald Wikity?

  Ron Witwicky : It's Witwicky. Who are you?

  Agent Simmons : We're the government. Sector Seven.

  Ron Witwicky : Never heard of it.

  Agent Simmons : Never will.

• Judy Witwicky : Please for the love of God drive safely!

  [Sam drives away with the Camaro in a massive cloud of black exhaust] 

  Judy Witwicky : Wow. You are so cheap.

  Ron Witwicky : Well, it's his first car... supposed to be like that.

• Ron Witwicky : You're not taking my son.

  Agent Simmons : Really? You gonna get rough with us?

  Ron Witwicky : No, but I'm gonna call the cops because there's something fishy going on around here.

  Agent Simmons : Yeah. There's something a little fishy about you, your son, your little Taco Bell dog and this whole operation you got going on here.

  Ron Witwicky : What operation?

  Agent Simmons : That is what we are gonna find out.

• [Ron Witwicky walks towards a window] 

  Optimus Prime : Quick, hide!

  Ratchet : Hide? Where?

  [the Autobots manage to get out of sight just as Ron looks outside] 

  Ron Witwicky : Oh, no... look at the yard! The yard is destroyed! There's sparks flying all over the place... Judy, you better call the City, looks like they got a blown transformer! What a waste... Trashed! Gone!

  [appalled, he moves away] 

• Ron Witwicky : [brandishing a bat, outside his son's door]  5... 4... It's comin' off the hinges, pal. 3... 2... stand back!

  [as Ron gets ready to break the door down, Sam opens it] 

  Sam Witwicky : What's up?... What's with the bat?

  Ron Witwicky : Who were you talking to?

  Sam Witwicky : Talkin' to you!

  Judy Witwicky : Why are you so sweaty and filthy?

  Sam Witwicky : I'm a child, you know, I'm a teenager.

• Sam Witwicky : [in a used car showroom]  You ever seen "The 40 Year Old Virgin"?

  Ron Witwicky : Yeah...

  Sam Witwicky : [points to a car]  Well, you see this? This is the 40-year-old virgin...

  [points to another car] 

  Sam Witwicky : And this is the 50-year-old virgin!

• Judy Witwicky : You know, I think that if there really was some kind of... alien infestation... the Government would be the first to tell us.

  Ron Witwicky : [fondling Mojo]  Yeah... I mean, this is America.

  Judy Witwicky : Yeah, that's how we know we're in a free country. There's no secrets. They'd say "Hey! Duck and cover!"

• [watching the news broadcast of meteor crashes] 

  Judy Witwicky : What did he say?

  Ron Witwicky : What?

  Judy Witwicky : What did Jack say? Did he see it?

  Ron Witwicky : Yeah he saw it. He thinks it's a military experiment.

  Judy Witwicky : What a knucklehead.

  Ron Witwicky : Yeah. I told him it was a plane.