Miss Congeniality 2: Armed & Fabulous (2005)

Diedrich Bader: Joel Meyers

Photos 

Quotes 

• Collins : Why don't we get you to the hotel while I give the agents a debriefing?

  Joel : Oh, that's too bad. It's been months since I've had a good debriefing. Although, I'm really more of a boxers man. Ha, ha!

  [nobody laughs] 

  Joel : Okay, wrong audience.

• Janet : Tell us where they went or we'll arrest you for obstructing justice and throw you in prison.

  Joel : [aroused]  Which prison?

• Sam Fuller : I've got to take her to the bathroom.

  Gracie Hart : I need a tampon!

  Sam Fuller : You heard her, we've got an agent down. We NEED TAMPONS!

  Jenkins : I'm not getting them.

  Hills : I don't even get them for my wife.

  Joel : I guess this is a job for a real man. Any particular brand?

• Joel : People care about people who care about themselves.

• Joel : How do you feel about a push-up bra?

  Gracie Hart : How would you feel about a genital-shocking taser gun?

  Joel : I'm open to it.

  Gracie Hart : ...Okay.

• Joel : [both Hart and Fuller are pointing a gun at Foreman]  You see, this is what I like. Learning to work together. A little "Ebony & Ivory" action.

  Jeff Foreman : Guys, I can't do it.

  Sam Fuller : Stop being a wuss, Foreman. Be a man.

  Gracie Hart : Yeah, like Fuller.

• Shirley, Assisted Living Receptionist : [Gracie is disguised as the old mother of Joel to snoop around the nursing home]  Are you interested in touring our facilities?

  Joel : Oh, yes, we are very interested. I can't wait to get rid of her.

  Gracie Hart : Oh, don't you listen to him. He's a momma's boy. Come here, cutie. Come here and let me fix your tie.

  [grabs his tie] 

  Joel : Oh!

  Gracie Hart : Such a momma's boy!

  Joel : Ma, not now!

  Gracie Hart : Momma's boy face, that's a momma's boy face!

  [smacks him repeatedly on the cheek] 

  Joel : [rising]  Do you have a euthanasia program?

  Shirley, Assisted Living Receptionist : We just need to fill out some forms. If you'll give me one minute.

• Sam Fuller : We need a big finish

  Joel : I can take my top off

  Gracie Hart : We need a GOOD big finish

• Joel : Tinas of the world unite, take the stage!

• Joel : [Explaining the rules to being the face of the FBI]  Rule #1, no hitting.

  Gracie Hart : What?

  Joel : The face of the FBI uses her words, not her fists,

  Gracie Hart : [Gracie goes to grab a chair] 

  Joel : or chair.

  Joel : Rule #2, chew with your mouth closed.

  Gracie Hart : You don't know how I eat.

  Joel : [Points out the ketchup stain on Gracie's shirt] 

  Joel : [Sarcastically] 

  Joel : How would that get there if it didn't fall from an open oraface?

  Gracie Hart : Well maybe I walked under a ketchup tree.

  Gracie Hart : [laughs and snorts] 

  Joel : Rule #3, no snorting.

• Joel : Ooh... I hope she's not a fatty.

  FBI Asst. Director Harry McDonald : Hart, Joel Mayers. Joel Mayers, Gracie Hart.

  Gracie Hart : Hi.

  Joel : Oh, yes. I can work with this. I can work with this. Your are going to be my icon.

  Gracie Hart : Hey, calm down.

  Joel : Hmm.