Charlie Brown's Christmas Tales (2002 TV Short)

Corey Padnos: Linus Van Pelt

Quotes 

• Jezebel : Today my name is Jezebel.

  Linus Van Pelt : Jezebel was the evil wife of King Ahab in the Old Testament. In II Kings, it says that her servants threw her out the window, and she landed on her head.

  Jezebel : Today my name is Susan.

• Sally : What's going on? Is my sweet babboo helping my brother write a Christmas card?

  Linus Van Pelt : I'm not your sweet babboo! That is so stupid! That is so humongously stupid!

  Charlie Brown : There, how does it look? I drew a Christmas tree with little hearts on it.

  Linus Van Pelt : [Reads card]  "Merry Christmas from your sweet babboo"?

  Charlie Brown : It's a family expression.

• Linus Van Pelt : Dear, Santa Claus. How have you been? How is your wife? I am not sure what I want for Christmas this year. Sometimes it is very hard to decide. Perhaps you should send me your catalog.

• Lucy Van Pelt : You have to give me a Christmas present. It says so in the Bible.

  Linus Van Pelt : You're bluffing. The Bible says nothing about giving Christmas presents.

  Lucy Van Pelt : It doesn't?

  Linus Van Pelt : You can't bluff an old theologian.

• Lucy Van Pelt : One of your Christmas cards came back. It says, "No such address".

  Linus Van Pelt : It's that girl from class. Ooh, she drives me crazy!

  Lucy Van Pelt : Why do you even bother?

  Linus Van Pelt : She fascinates me.

• Linus Van Pelt : Dear Santa Claus. How are all your reindeer? Are they well fed? Is your sleigh in good shape? Are the runners oiled? Then go, man, GO!

• Linus Van Pelt : [yuletide greetings #1]  Dear Santa Claus, how have you been? Please don't get the idea that I am writing because I want something. Nothing could be further from the truth. I want nothing. Spend your time elsewhere. Don't bother with me. I really mean it. If yo want to skip our house this year, go right ahead. I won't be offended. Really I won't.

  Lucy Van Pelt : What in a world kind of letter is this?

  Linus Van Pelt : I'm hoping that he'll find my attitude peculiarly refreshing.

  Lucy Van Pelt : [crumpled the paper and throws out]  It's peculiar all right. Try again.

  Linus Van Pelt : [yuletide greetings #2]  Dear Santa Claus, how are all your reindeer? Are they well fed? Is your sleigh in good shape? Are the runners oiled? Then go, man... GO!

  [crumpled the paper and throws out] 

  Linus Van Pelt : I don't think I'd better send that.

  Linus Van Pelt : [yuletide greetings #3]  Dear Santa Claus, how have you been? How is your wife? I am not sure what I want for Christmas this year. Sometimes it is very hard to decide.

  [pause to think over] 

  Linus Van Pelt : Perhaps you should send me your catalogue.