The Paul Lynde Halloween Special (1976 TV Special)

Paul Lynde: Self, Big Ruby Red, Sheik

Quotes 

• Housekeeper : I'll give you a hint. It's full of witches and spooks and strange creatures of the night.

  Paul Lynde : Oh, sounds like Hollywood Squares.

• Housekeeper : This is Ace. This is Gene. This is Peter. And this is Paul.

  Paul Lynde : Oh, I love a good religious group. I can take one look at you four and tell you how you got your name and how you got your act. You had a fight, and your mothers told you to... kiss and make up.

• Paul Lynde : [singing]  # Too much Alice Cooper! / Not enough Alice Faye... / What's the matter with kids today? #

• [last lines] 

  Paul Lynde : In case I don't see you for awhile, to all you little monsters out there, you have a happy Halloween. Now, excuse me, I'm going back to my group to trip the heavy fantastic.

• Paul Lynde : Well, here I am again... ABC's answer to Trick-Or-Treat.

• Paul Lynde : As you know, there's a real scary holiday coming up. Election Day.

• Paul Lynde : [meeting KISS]  Well, just what I always wanted: four kisses on the first date.

• Paul Lynde : [to Gene Simmons]  Why don't you push the down button on your elevator shoes?

• [first lines] 

  Paul Lynde : [singing]  # We wish you a Merry Christmas, / We we wish you a Merry Christmas. #

• Paul Lynde : Hi, I'm Paul Lynde. Well, somebody had to be.

• Paul Lynde : It's been a year since my last special. Was it something I said?

• Paul Lynde : I always give a prize for the funniest costume. Last year I said that the prize goes to the first one that rings my bell. It was my Avon Lady. So I gave her a box of Ding Dongs. You know, though, they got no sense of humor. She smeared my windows with soap on a rope.

• Paul Lynde : I was fa-a-a-a-a-t. My, uh, my brothers and sisters used to dress up in nice little Halloween costumes from the five-and-dime. Mom would hand me the shower curtain. And it didn't fit. So she let it out, and I went as the Hindenburg. It was a disaster.

• Housekeeper : [about her sister's house]  It's well-preserved. You'll have lots of fun.

  Paul Lynde : You're well-preserved, and you're no fun.

• Paul Lynde : [about Rover the vulture]  I hope his bark is worse than his peck.

• Paul Lynde : Did you pack everything? It could be a chilly evening.

  Housekeeper : Everything. Your robe, your slippers...

  Paul Lynde : My Dr. Dentons?

• Witchiepoo : Mr. Lynde, I've been dying to meet you.

  Paul Lynde : Looks like you already did.

• Paul Lynde : What about Dorothy and her little dog, Toto, in "The Wizard of Oz"?

  The Wicked Witch of the West : She asked for it. And her little dog, too!

• Paul Lynde : She has a striking resemblance to Betty White. But then so many witches do.

• Witchiepoo : It's a hot dog with all the meat scooped out of it.

  Paul Lynde : Oh, a Hollow Weenie.

• Cecily Westinghouse : Why are you wearing that earring?

  Sheik : Because I'm a very chic Sheik. That's why they call me Florence of Arabia.

• Paul Lynde : Perhaps a glass of my hyena wine will melt your frosty heart.

• Paul Lynde : Open the ruby portals of your lips to the white-hot passion of my desire. I - I - I'm turning myself on. Fool, who needs her when you - when you've got you!