- Nigel: What do you know about reality?
- The Scottish barmaid: Well the reality I know is that talking to you is like licking piss off a nettle.
- The Scottish barmaid: you've got to loosen up, are you sure you won't have a drink with me later?
- Nigel: [she pulls a single baked bean from Nigel's hair] A bean.
- [pause]
- Nigel: And I'm married.