The O.C. (2003–2007)

Adam Brody: Seth Cohen

Photos 

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Quotes 

• Seth : [rubs his boat, Summer Breeze, lovingly]  Ohhh, I've missed you. It's been too long.

  Ryan : You're talking to a boat, Seth.

  Seth : Yeah, I talk to a plastic horse too but that never worries anyone.

  Ryan : It worries me.

• Marissa : Hey, how come you're the brains? I'm the one who talked us back into that club.

  Seth : I'm sorry. I'm the brains.

  Ryan : You can be the beauty.

  Marissa : Okay, thanks.

  Summer : Great, and what am I, Cohen?

  Seth : Uh, the boobs?

  [Summer hits him] 

  Seth : Uh, the bitch?

  Summer : Okay, I'll take the boobs.

  Seth : Hey. So will I.

  [Summer laughs] 

  Seth : [later] 

  Marissa : See, I think I should be the brains.

  Ryan : No, Seth's the brains.

  Marissa : Well, you're clearly not the beauty.

  Ryan : Ooooh, and now someone's the bitch.

  [smiles] 

• Summer : Go away, I'm studying... naked!

  Seth : That's supposed to keep me away?

• Seth : Not now, Mom, I'm studying naked.

  Summer : Ew!

  Seth : Summer? Come in!

  Summer : No way!

• Sandy : So you and Summer seemed pretty chummy yesterday.

  Seth : Dad, chummy?

  Sandy : It's okay. You can tell me.

  Seth : No, really, I can't.

  Sandy : If you can't tell your dad, who can you tell?

  Seth : Gee, I don't know, ugh Ryan... Mom... that tree over there.

• Ryan : Sometimes I think you talk just to make sounds.

  Seth : Well, sometimes I do.

• Summer : What do you want from me Cohen?

  Seth : I just want you.

• Seth : You can't ruin Chrismukkah. It's got twice the resistance of any normal holiday.

• Seth : So what's the GP, RA?

  Ryan : I have no idea what you just said.

  Seth : Game plan, Ryan Atwood.

  Ryan : You're just using initials now?

  Seth : Yeah, it saves time.

  Ryan : Well, not if you have to translate.

  Seth : GP.

  Ryan : Game plan?

  Seth : Good point.

• Kirsten : Is everything okay?

  Seth : Hmm? Yeah, it's fine.

  Theresa : I'm pregnant.

  Seth : Well, except for that.

• Seth : [holds up My Little Pony]  Who is this?

  Summer : [looks embarrassed]  No-one.

  Seth : [imitating pony's voice]  I'm not no-one.

  Summer : Princess Sparkle, what do you want?

• Seth : Name me ONE thing about Newport that isn't evil.

  Ryan : [Summer and Marissa are walking up behind Seth]  I will name you two.

• Zach : [on Seth and Summer]  Even when you're not a couple you'll always be a couple. You're Joanie and Chachi, Luke and Leia.

  Seth : Um, Luke and Leia were brother and sister.

  Zach : Yeah, well, may the force be with you.

  [leaves] 

• Seth : You know what I mean?

  Ryan : Hardly ever.

• Ryan : [Seth has been smoking pot due to stress of going to college]  It's almost 3:30. Isn't your interview at 4?

  Seth : [high]  What are you talking about?

  [looks at clock] 

  Ryan : Are you ready?

  Seth : Am I ready? Do me a favor.

  [pulls up shirt sleeve and feels bicep] 

  Seth : Go ahead and feel that. Feel that puppy right there.

  Ryan : No.

  Seth : Okay. You don't want to touch another man, I get it. You find my slender swimmer's body, um, intimidating.

  Ryan : [confused]  Something smells.

  Seth : No it doesn't. No it doesn't. But they, uh, they say that the first sign of a, um, brain tumor, is, uh, phantom smells so you should lie down.

  [Ryan finds can of air freshener] 

  Seth : Hey. Hey, you solved it. You're a mystery solver. You're like - you're like Encyclopedia Brown. Remember when Encyclopedia Brown went on down to Texas...

  [Ryan raises his eyebrows] 

  Seth : -and solved the mystery of the great shootout? Hey - how about this for a change. A cage match - Encyclopedia Brown versus the Great Brain - to the death.

  Ryan : [pause]  Are you high?

  Seth : [tries to look innocent, then laughs uncontrollably]  Am I high? No. No! Come on, man, I love it when you go for the comedy but I would not - I would not quit your day job beating up people. I would.

  Seth : [Ryan finds ashtray with joints]  I don't know how that got there.

• Kirsten : Oh, someone, please stop him before he starts singing "Greased Lightning."

  Seth : Do it, dad. Travolta's your bitch.

  Sandy : Oh, thank you, son.

• Seth : You guys really wouldn't hurt me, because that would be so clichéd.

  [they pick him up] 

  Seth : I guess you're fans of the cliché.

• Marissa : [speaking loudly]  Uh, what's that, Seth? Did you say you need a ride to a Star Wars convention?

  [She walks into the hallway with Seth and closes the door] 

  Seth : The Star Wars convention? I'm sorry. Her top was off. You couldn't have at least said X-Men for me?

• Seth : I said I wanted to marry her, not date her!

• Seth : Yeah, it's too bad you're leaving. We never eat like this.

  Kirsten : That's not true. I cook all the time.

  Seth : [scoffs]  Dad...

  Sandy : I'm sorry, honey.

  [starts laughing] 

  Kirsten : Let's just eat.

  Sandy : We're not saying we want you to cook more.

  Seth : Oh...

  [blows raspberry] 

  Seth : Hell, no. You remember the meat loaf incident of '98?

  Kirsten : That was brisket.

  Seth : Yeah, that's my point exactly.

• Seth : I'm not self-absorbed, am I, Ryan?

  [Ryan looks away] 

  Seth : Me? Me? Me?

• Seth : Wait. Hang on. I'm not goin' anywhere until somebody tells me what happened last night. Mom, would you please fill me in?

  [Kirsten leaves] 

  Seth : Mom! I- Oh, I get it. I'm just here for the comic relief.

• Summer : Thanks for almost getting my bathing suit wet, Cohen.

  Seth : My pleasure.

  Ryan : [mocking Summer, nasal tone]  Cohen, I can't believe that you did that, Cohen.

  [smirks] 

• Seth : If you were this sensitive and neurotic when we were daing maybe things would've worked out.

• Seth : Shhh! We're being stealth!

• Seth , Kirsten : Oy humbug!

• Seth : Yeah... yeah, I should apologize. It's just my pride.

  Ryan : What pride?

  Seth : Yeah, I guess there's nothin' standin' in my way.

• Seth : Amazing. This whole time, I thought you were a nice guy.

  Zach : Wake up! I'm a water polo player. We're never nice guys.

• Seth : [about Kaitlin]  She's Jimmy Cooper's daughter, theft is in her blood.

• Summer : [after Summer and Seth have tricked Taylor into revealing her affair with Dean Hess]  Hey, skank.

  Seth : You were expecting someone taller? Blonder, with a pageboy haircut?

  Summer : Welcome to the Terradome, Townsend. You're busted.

  Taylor Townsend : [smugly]  For what, exactly?

  Summer : Hmm. A little extracurricular activity with Dean Hess? Yeah. I saw you two making out at the dance.

  Taylor Townsend : [smugly]  So what if we did?

  Seth : [stumped, to Summer]  She makes one hell of a poker player. I mean, she's pretty good.

  Summer : Yeah, well, unless you and the Dean want this little thingamajig...

  Seth : [corrects Summer]  Indiscretion.

  Summer : - to go public, we have a few demands. Don't we?

  Seth : Yeah.

  Summer : Starting with the lifting of the ban of Ryan Atwood from Harbor.

  Taylor Townsend : [indifferent]  You can go ahead and tell anyone you want. No-one's going to believe you.

  Seth : [frustrated]  She's like a block of ice.

  Summer : You willing to bet your squeaky little reputation on that, Taylor trash? 'Cause I've got a *huge* mouth and an even bigger buddy list. Mmm-hmm.

  [whips out Sidekick] 

  Summer : See this right here? Sidekick. Walkie-talkie of the twenty-first century. Who should we radio first?

  Seth : How about my dad?

  Summer : Yeah. 10-4, good buddy. So what's it going to be? You can either tell Seth's dad the perverted truth and save your sorry ass, or you can roll the dice. Over and out.

• Sandy : And you know, they do find foster home for kids your age.

  Seth : Yeah, because everyone wants a brand new teenager.

  [everyone stares at him] 

  Seth : I'm sorry if I'm the only one here that will state the obvious...

  Kirsten : Seth.

  Seth : - But we have all this extra room, right? We have a pool house. Yet, you guys are going to ship him off to a group home. Am I the only one who gets how much that sucks?

• Seth : [Graduation is that day]  When they announce my name, uh, could you *not* do that cheer you did for me when I won Capture the Flag at parents' weekend?

  Sandy : W-which cheer was that? Oh! Oh, oh, oh! Check out my boy Cohen! Can you believe how he's growin? The competition away he's blowin!

  Seth : That's the one. Please don't do that. Ever.

  [They smile and laugh] 

• Trey Atwood : Ryan said you talk a lot.

  Seth : Yeah, its kind of a problem but hopefully one you'll come to find endearing.

• Seth : Maybe if you paid attention to anything other then that stupid hospital, you'd notice mom's been passing out before dinner.

  Sandy : Don't talk to your father like that.

  Seth : That would require you to act like my father.

• Ryan : Kaitlin's back.

  Summer : Mini Cooper?

  Seth : NOT so mini.

• Kirsten : [frowns]  Why is that ninja smoking a cigarette?

  Sandy : Honey honey, I don't actually think that's a ninja, ninjas usually wear capes, right?

  Kirsten : oooh so a ninja is like a super hero

  Seth : [had enough]  mom, dad, you two enjoy

  [gets up] 

  Seth : Ryan

  [steps over Sandy's legs] 

  Seth : give me five minutes

  Sandy : Where you goin?

  [Ryan smiles] 

  Sandy : come on back

  Ryan : Nice work

  [Kirsten smiles, pleased] 

  Sandy : Never underestimate a parent's ability to mortify his child

• Seth : Mom, on the other hand, Waspy McWasp.

  Sandy : We're so proud.

  Kirsten : I am not a Wasp!

  Seth : Sure you're not.

• Sandy : There's no need for sarcasm.

  Seth : I'm not being sarcastic.

  Sandy : Well, it's hard to tell sometimes.

• Seth : In fact, having you around to defend me, I've kinda gotten soft. Without anybody picking on me, there's really been no need for the Seth Cohen retaliatory zinger.

• Seth : Damn it! I'm being sarcastic.

  Ryan : So, sarcasm's like breathing for you.

  Seth : Yeah, Summer's dad thinks sarcasm is a sign of weakness.

  Ryan : Sounds like a smart man.

• Seth : Too complicated for banter about boats and Hanson?

• Sandy : It's great that you hung in there after all the foreplay.

  Seth : Fore-what now?

• Zach : Look Seth, I've always liked you but if I have to sacrifice our friendship to be with Summer, I'll do it.

  Seth : Amazing, all this time I thought you were a nice guy.

  Zach : Wake up, I'm a waterpolo player, we're never nice guys.

  Seth : Well looks like I won't need to worry about adding you to Atomic County, you're already there - the demon Water Polo player, the ironicists nemesis.

  Zach : And its gonna take a little bit more than quick-quips and pop-culture laden bromides to win little Miss Vixen.

  Seth : So its war.

  Zach : Its war.

• Seth : Its kinda hard to apologise if I don't know what it is I'm apologising for.

  Summer : Well its kinda hard to forgive you if you don't know what you're supposed to be apologising for.

• Seth : The timing in this house is a thing of beauty.

• Seth : Well he can't have gone that way cause that's the ocean.

• Ryan : Lindsay wants to hang out with the sister she never knew she had. I can't stand in the way, or make it all about me, right?

  Seth : No, that's something I would do.

• Seth : So you guys will be in here and I'll be on the other side of this soundproof wall.

  Summer : Are you OK?

  Seth : Yeah, just an allergic reaction to the universe.

• Seth : Look at all these people, these normal, non-traumatised people - in relationships, in love.

• Seth : Wow, he came back, people never leave and come back.

• Seth : So what you're saying is that when you two go to Italy you'll achieve this... harmony.

  Summer : Look I just wanna be straightforward with you so you can plan your freekout accordingly.

• Seth : Let's recap. I got disco'd by two girls in one night. And, unfortunately, not the first time that's happened.

• Sandy : We suck.

  Kirsten : That was not very smooth.

  Sandy : I told you this was a bad idea.

  Kirsten : No, you didn't!

  Seth : I don't wanna know. Don't care.

• Seth : That's right. It is complicated. It's complicated by the fact that there's an Eddie, and this Eddie still obviously has feelings for Theresa. In fact that would actually make this romantic triangle more of a romantic... rhombus.

• Seth : [complimenting Sandy and Kirsten's parenting skills]  Hey man, they raised me, okay? Proof, pudding. Speaking of pudding, Mother, do we have any tapioca on tap?

• Seth : No. What about the Ryan and Seth go to Europe money, my man? Get back in there. We could get Vespas.

• Seth : [showing off his fake IDs to Marissa]  Sievy Sebulsky of Menlo Park. It's nice to meet you. Have you met my associate, Marty Navis?

• Seth : [about having sex with Summer for the first time]  Ryan, I was Nemo, and I just wanted to go home.

• Seth : Well, if you need anything, I'll take the graveyard shift.

  Ryan : I think we'll manage.

  Seth : I was afraid you'd say that.

• Summer : We're not having sex, by the way.

  Seth : Excellent. There's not enough pain and suffering around us already.

• Seth : How was the party dad?... I think someone called the cops.

• Summer : You know, Cohen, with your two hands on the wheel and the wind blowing through your hair

  [looks at Seth, nods] 

  Summer : you actually looked kinda hot.

  Seth : Let me guess, Summer, you have a

  [shrugs, amused] 

  Seth : weakness for seamen.

  [smiles] 

  Summer : [screws up her face]  Ewww Cohen, and then there's that.

  Seth : Nah, aww.

• Summer : You know, Cohen... your two hands on the wheel, and the wind blowing through your hair... you actually looked kinda hot.

  Seth : Let me guess, Summer. You have a weakness for semen?

  Summer : Ew, Cohen! And then there's that.

• Seth : Are you actually angry at me for being jealous of you being jealous of Zach?

• Seth : [Seth is dressed like a pirate]  Summer and I are at war.

  Sandy : A pirate war?