The O.C. (2003–2007)

Peter Gallagher: Sandy Cohen

Photos 

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Quotes 

• Sandy : So you and Summer seemed pretty chummy yesterday.

  Seth : Dad, chummy?

  Sandy : It's okay. You can tell me.

  Seth : No, really, I can't.

  Sandy : If you can't tell your dad, who can you tell?

  Seth : Gee, I don't know, ugh Ryan... Mom... that tree over there.

• Kirsten : He's a consultant.

  Sandy : Could you be please be a little more vague?

  Kirsten : He knows people.

  Sandy : You did it! That was more vague.

• Ryan : Okay, I screwed up yet again. So now what? You're going to kick me out?

  Sandy : You think you can mess up so bad we'll just give up on you? You can't. You are part of this family now and you're going to feel the full weight of that. You're going to wish we threw you out.

• Sandy : What are we fighting about?

  Kirsten : I don't know, but it's serious!

• Ryan : I appreciate you driving me down to Chino, but I can take care of this myself. This shouldn't have to be your problem.

  Sandy : Hey. If it's a Ryan problem, it's a Cohen problem.

• Anna : So I guess you and Mrs. Cohen have a lot in common...

  Sandy : Sure sure, we both love, uhh... Seth.

• Jimmy : Well, we've basically blown through our entire budget.

  Sandy : Well you're really not so good at managing the money are you Coop?

  Jimmy : No, I'm... really not.

• Kirsten : Oh, someone, please stop him before he starts singing "Greased Lightning."

  Seth : Do it, dad. Travolta's your bitch.

  Sandy : Oh, thank you, son.

• Kirsten : [on the phone with wedding planner]  Colored lights, no way. White lights only because colored lights remind my father of a carnival. And he hates carnies.

  Sandy : Note to self: hang with carnies.

• Seth : Yeah, it's too bad you're leaving. We never eat like this.

  Kirsten : That's not true. I cook all the time.

  Seth : [scoffs]  Dad...

  Sandy : I'm sorry, honey.

  [starts laughing] 

  Kirsten : Let's just eat.

  Sandy : We're not saying we want you to cook more.

  Seth : Oh...

  [blows raspberry] 

  Seth : Hell, no. You remember the meat loaf incident of '98?

  Kirsten : That was brisket.

  Seth : Yeah, that's my point exactly.

• Sandy : Hey, Cal. Always a pleasure, although if I may, why are we meeting in a parking garage?

  Caleb : Because my office might be bugged. My home, your home, who knows what the Feds are up to?

  Sandy : Wow, you've really flipped your noodle haven't, you?

• Sandy : [speaking to Julie about the guy blackmailing her over her role in an '80s porn movie]  You handle Marisa and I'll handle the Colonel.

  Julie : That's a Boogie Nights reference.

  Sandy : Expect a lot of them.

• Sandy : What are you going to do? Steal a car? Burn down a house? Punch out the captain of the water polo team? Those ships have sailed, my friend.

• Sandy : Don't ever get married!

  Ryan : I've heard that from you before.

  Sandy : Oh, you'll hear it again. I'll be at the bar.

• Caleb Nichol : It's always cause'a Kirsten. When you railroaded my dinner, was that cause'a her too?

  Sandy : No. That one was for you.

• Sandy : I never knew you to be an impulse shopper.

• Tom Willington : Sandy Cohen, working on the weekend.

  Sandy : Tom Willington, as I live and breathe.

• Kirsten : It would be nice if Uncle Sean could be here.

  Sandy : Not if we have to pay for the bar tab.

• Sandy : And you know, they do find foster home for kids your age.

  Seth : Yeah, because everyone wants a brand new teenager.

  [everyone stares at him] 

  Seth : I'm sorry if I'm the only one here that will state the obvious...

  Kirsten : Seth.

  Seth : - But we have all this extra room, right? We have a pool house. Yet, you guys are going to ship him off to a group home. Am I the only one who gets how much that sucks?

• Seth : [Graduation is that day]  When they announce my name, uh, could you *not* do that cheer you did for me when I won Capture the Flag at parents' weekend?

  Sandy : W-which cheer was that? Oh! Oh, oh, oh! Check out my boy Cohen! Can you believe how he's growin? The competition away he's blowin!

  Seth : That's the one. Please don't do that. Ever.

  [They smile and laugh] 

• Seth : Maybe if you paid attention to anything other then that stupid hospital, you'd notice mom's been passing out before dinner.

  Sandy : Don't talk to your father like that.

  Seth : That would require you to act like my father.

• Sandy : We can't give in to threats like that, we don't negotiate with the Newpsies!

• Kirsten : [frowns]  Why is that ninja smoking a cigarette?

  Sandy : Honey honey, I don't actually think that's a ninja, ninjas usually wear capes, right?

  Kirsten : oooh so a ninja is like a super hero

  Seth : [had enough]  mom, dad, you two enjoy

  [gets up] 

  Seth : Ryan

  [steps over Sandy's legs] 

  Seth : give me five minutes

  Sandy : Where you goin?

  [Ryan smiles] 

  Sandy : come on back

  Ryan : Nice work

  [Kirsten smiles, pleased] 

  Sandy : Never underestimate a parent's ability to mortify his child

• Seth : Mom, on the other hand, Waspy McWasp.

  Sandy : We're so proud.

  Kirsten : I am not a Wasp!

  Seth : Sure you're not.

• Sandy : There's no need for sarcasm.

  Seth : I'm not being sarcastic.

  Sandy : Well, it's hard to tell sometimes.

• Sandy : It's ironic. Julie leaves Jimmy, marries you. Now he's worth millions and now you're going to be broke.

• Sandy : It's great that you hung in there after all the foreplay.

  Seth : Fore-what now?

• Kirsten : Sometimes you make it hard to hate you.

  Sandy : I know, it's part of my charm.

  Kirsten : And sometimes you make it easy.

• Kirsten : My dad is marrying Julie Cooper. Julie Cooper... is my step-mom.

  Jimmy : Maybe we'll get you another bottle.

  Sandy : Yeah, drink up.

  Kirsten : This is an unholy alliance. This is two storm fronts colliding. This is the apocalypse for us all.

• Caleb Nichol : I've come to ask a favor.

  Sandy : I'm sorry, what did you say?

  Caleb Nichol : You didn't hear me?

  Sandy : No, I heard you, I... I just want to make you say it again.

• Sandy : If all we're gunna do is send them to their room and make them do homework, what are they going to learn?

  Kirsten : Their homework.

• Sandy : Nobody needs to know, we can say you're taking a trip.

  Kirsten : In this town a trip is always rehab.

• Sandy : We suck.

  Kirsten : That was not very smooth.

  Sandy : I told you this was a bad idea.

  Kirsten : No, you didn't!

  Seth : I don't wanna know. Don't care.

• Sandy : [about his mother talking about him]  If you're happy, you're not working hard enough.

• Sandy : I promise you, I'd rather send you to jail than get in bed with your father.

• Sandy : Just because you're leaving doesn't mean I'm letting you go.

• Caleb Nichol : What the hell is that?

  Sandy : It's my mother's meat loaf.

  Caleb Nichol : [looks around]  Oh God, your mother's here?

  Sandy : Her recipe is. I'm trying out a chef. You want some?

  Caleb Nichol : Actually, I think the sight of your mother's meat loaf has turned me into a vegetarian.

• Caleb : Thank you for letting me spend the night in jail. It was the most vile, most inhuman night of my life.

  Sandy : Well, coming from the guy who married Julie Cooper, that's saying something.

• Sandy : Why don't we give up? Oh, give up with me, honey! We could let the Gruesome Twosome destroy our careers, or we could sit here, enjoy obscene amounts of Dr. Phil, and destroy them ourselves.

• Kirsten : Is it over?

  Sandy : I promise you, it never started.

• Seth : [Seth is dressed like a pirate]  Summer and I are at war.

  Sandy : A pirate war?

• Sandy : Hey, how are ya?

  [waves] 

  Sandy : I'm Sandy.

  Danny : Why don't you take a shower?

  Sandy : Pardon me?

  Danny : Jus- just kiddin. I-I like ya dirty.

  [whispers] 

  Danny : Sandy, dirty. Sandy, dirty.

• Rebecca : It's kind of hard to meet people when you can't let anybody know who you really are and can't stay in one place too long.

  Sandy : I can see how that might "salt your game".

  Rebecca : "Salt your game". Is that how they talk in Orange county?

  Sandy : Stick around. You'll be saying "Rad" in no time.

• Sandy : Well, you've been tryin'a get him to come to Thanksgiving for years.

  Kirsten : The only reason why he is here is because his food didn't show up and the game is on.

  [drinks] 

  Sandy : You know, you might wanna slow down with that. You're drinkin on an empty stomach.

  Kirsten : Don't you tell me to slow down. Tell him to hit the bricks!

  Sandy : Hit the bricks? Who talks like that?

  Kirsten : Don't you judge me. I have a family that won't let me cook for Thanksgiving dinner, I have a father who is using me for my candied yams, and we are out of Merlot!

  Anna : Do you want some... privacy?

  Sandy : Oh...