Real Time with Bill Maher (2003– )

Alan Simpson: Self

Quotes 

• Sen. Alan Simpson : [Sen. Simpson becomes angry at Bill's jokes]  You're making fun of Americans who have some religious bent or a faith. Keep doing that and your people will never win an election. Because whether you and I like it or not, this is the only country on the face of the earth that was founded because of religious persecution and a belief in God. That's why they left Europe. So keep making fun of them. Keep making fun of the gays and the lesbians, pulling people in, tearing people up, thinking that Hollywood has all the brains in America, from people who are making millions of bucks on one movie and telling the rest of the people, and making fun of them, and you'll never make it, never make it.

  Bill Maher : You know, to quote the president, "I'm getting a mixed message from you, Senator." I mean, either I'm making fun of the religious people or I'm making fun of the gay people. I can't be doing both, can I?

  Sen. Alan Simpson : Well, you just made a little crack. You know, it was funny-funny, you know. Party-party. You know, those are little cracks. Those are smart, little cracks about the gay and lesbian people. You keep telling them. I think they're offensive. And I don't have to come on this program. So put that one in your pipe!

  Bill Maher : Okay, there's only one way to solve this - I challenge you to a duel!