Eulogy (2004)

Debra Winger: Alice Collins

Photos 

Quotes 

• Ted Collins : Thanks, but, uh, I've already had my mucous course for the day.

  Alice Collins : Listen, you shut your spit-cave you foul-mouthed little shit-fucker before I beat the living snot out of you.

• [last lines] 

  Skip Collins : [at wedding]  It's not a dirty joke. It's not a dirty joke! Just let people...

  Alice Collins : [trying to grab the microphone] 

  Skip Collins : These two gym teachers walk into a hardware store...

  Alice Collins : [finally gets the microphone away from him] 

• Alice Collins : This isn't about you so.

  Judy : Are you talking to the sex toy?

  Alice Collins : I'm sure you're a very nice lesbian. Is that the preferred term?

  Judy : No, no. We prefer whore.

• Alice Collins : [referring to Judy, Lucy's girlfriend]  I really can't believe you brought her.

  Lucy Collins : Hello, Alice.

  Alice Collins : No, it's just, I thought you'd come alone. It's family.

  Lucy Collins : Are you starting already?

  Alice Collins : Oh, no, no, no. Its just it didn't occur to me to bring my sex toy. Did you bring any sex toys?

  Lucy Collins : You wouldn't know a sex toy if it left a battery in your vagina.

• Alice Collins : [Alice's mom comes back from the hospital after trying to kill herself, she enters the house]  Hi, Mother, try it again and I'll kill you myself.

• Lucy Collins : You wouldn't know a sex toy if it left a battery in your vagina.

  Alice Collins : My vagina, as you are so whimsically about to refer to it, has served as sacred passage, for three anatomically correct children, so...

  Fred Collins : Bad image.

  Ted Collins : [hits head twice]  Erase, erase.

• Doctor : We pumped your mother's stomach.

  Alice Collins : Yeah, it was an accident.

  Lucy Collins : How did she accidentally chug half a bottle of sleeping pills.

  Alice Collins : [to the doctor]  She was cleaning them up.

  Lucy Collins : With her mouth?

• Lucy Collins : [Asking Doctor about suicidal mother]  When can we take her home?

  Doctor : Well just overnight then tomorrow I'll sign her out and you can take her home.

  Alice Collins : Well, I think could you keep her. For another day just to be safe.

  Lucy Collins : [to Alice]  Oh. My. God.

  Alice Collins : Bite me.

• Alice Collins : I suppose I owe you an apology...

  Judy : ...Are you working up to it?

• Alice Collins : It won't work. Everyone knows that the only gay relationships that last are the ones between people of the same height.

• Alice Collins : I'm sorry, I live in the real world. I work hard at raising a decent family. You don't see me prancing around in my pajamas all day, starting up pillow fights with my topless girlfriend...

  Kate Collins : ...What are we talking about?