Man of the House (I) (2005)

Monica Keena: Evie

Photos 

Quotes 

• Teresa : [Sharp has a pizza delivered at dinner, while the girls all have homemade salads]  What is that?

  Roland Sharp : The Carnivore. Pepperoni, sausage, ground beef, ham and olive loaf all gathered together in one savory pie. With jalepenos. Want some?

  Heather : Yes. No!

  Roland Sharp : Extra thick crust.

  Anne : I can't, I'm on the zone.

  Roland Sharp : What zone?

  Anne : The proper combination of protein, fat and carbohydrates.

  Roland Sharp : This combination here is proper as hell.

  Barb : I'm a total Atkins girl.

  Evie : I'm on Weight Watchers, you'll probably blow all your daily points with just one bite.

  Roland Sharp : This baby has one point and one point only, and that is tasting good.

• Roland Sharp : I cannot hear myself think!

  [turns off music] 

  Evie : Okay, as we involuntarily enter into this enforced period of silence, can I ask if there's any medication you forgot to take... or some I might recommend you should try?

  Barb : Yes, like take a...

  All Girls : CHILL PILL!

  Roland Sharp : I only need one witness!

  Barb : Get. Out!

• Teresa : I'll tell you something about this daughter of yours that you know nothing about, she must be severely messed up in the head from living with you.

  Roland Sharp : She lives with her mother.

  Evie : Why did your marriage fall apart?

  Roland Sharp : That is one of many things you and I will never discuss.

• Barb : [off Roland's upset look and stops chewing her gum all of a sudden]  Oh, do you want a piece?

  Roland Sharp : No, I do not.

  Barb : What, you don't like gum?

  Roland Sharp : No. Chewing gum is the most significant factor in the decline of Western civilization.

  Evie : The decline of what?

• Anne : Look, you guys, we've got a game on Saturday...

  Evie : Yeah!

  Anne : ...and don't even think about telling us we're not going!

  Roland Sharp : You're not going!

  Heather : [urgent whisper]  Tell him, Anne.

  Anne : As captain of the squad, it is my duty to inform you that if you wanna stop us from cheerleading,

  [folds arms] 

  Anne : you're gonna have to pry the pom-poms from our cold dead hands.