- Peter McCallister: [to Natalie] I'm going back to check on Kevin
- Natalie: What... now
- Peter McCallister: Yes, somethings up... I can sense it... Maybe I need to be a parent
- Natalie: That's not fair... you know how I care about kids
- Peter McCallister: How much do you care about my kid
- [referring to Kevin]
- Natalie: [silence]
- Peter McCallister: [slams the car door]
- Kevin McCallister: Robbers were trying to rip off your house!
- Natalie: So you chose to trash it?
- Kevin McCallister: No I was trying to protect it!
- Natalie: By trashing it?
- [Kevin is looking at a fishbowl when Buzz appears on the other side]
- Buzz McCallister: Clean it, cheese-face!
- Prescott: Can you read?
- [Kevin is startled]
- Prescott: The door. "No entry"?
- Kevin McCallister: What? Does that mean me?
- Prescott: Especially you.
- [slowly approaches Kevin, who leans back in the chair; places his hands on the armrests and looks Kevin in the eye]
- Prescott: This is the control centre, from which I manage this entire household, as well as my personal quarters. Now, Miss Natalie may have granted you run of her home, but this is my domain and strictly off limits, understood?
- [Kevin nods]
- Prescott: Any more questions?
- [Kevin shakes his head]
- Prescott: Good.
- [driving a minivan and speeding]
- Buzz McCallister: Mom... do you think you can slow down a little bit... Kevin's probably fine
- Kate McCallister: You just keep an eye out for cops... OK
- Kevin McCallister: [after knocking out Marv and Vera] Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night.
- Molly: [suddenly grabs Kevin from behind] Good night.
- [Prescott knocks out Molly with a frying pan]
- Buzz McCallister: Can I please go to the movies?
- Kate McCallister: No. I told you. You're watching Kevin.
- Kevin McCallister: Please let him go. I'll stay home alone.
- Kate McCallister: No.
- Kevin McCallister: I've done it before.
- Kate McCallister: [scoffs] Don't remind me.
- Buzz McCallister: You loused up my whole night. And if I'm gonna be miserable, you're gonna be miserable.
- Kevin McCallister: Mom!
- Kate McCallister: [Kevin has been bullied by Buzz and Mom comes home] Hello, I'm home. Hey. How'd it go?
- Kevin McCallister: Awful. I hate Buzz. I never want to be stuck home alone with him as long as I live.
- Kate McCallister: Oh, honey. I know he picks on you.
- Kevin McCallister: Picks on me? Humiliates me, tortures me. I'm sick of being everyone's favorite joke around here.
- Kate McCallister: Yeah. Yeah, it's hard to be the youngest.
- Kevin McCallister: Well, I hate Buzz. I wish I didn't have a brother or a sister.
- Kate McCallister: You don't mean that.
- Kevin McCallister: Yes, I do! I wish I was an only child!
- Prescott: [Kevin screams] What are you doing here? Tell me.
- Kevin McCallister: I uh, I-- Nothing, I swear. I just thought all this looked cool so I wanted to take a look at it.
- Prescott: You don't go into other people's homes uninvited, ad you don't touch their things. Didn't I warn you what would happen if I caught you in here again?
- Kevin McCallister: Not specifically.
- Prescott: Trust me. It won't be pleasant.
- Kevin McCallister: What is this? A mini elevator?
- Prescott: [irritatingly and calmly] It's called a dumbwaiter.
- Kevin McCallister: Why is it called a waiter?
- Prescott: Because it carries food.
- Kevin McCallister: Why is it called dumb?
- Prescott: Because it doesn't speak or ask countless idiotic questions.
- Peter McCallister: [after the burglars showed up crashing the party] Kevin, I know what's going on here.
- Kevin McCallister: [shockingly] You do?
- Peter McCallister: Yeah. You're out to destroying my relationship with Natalie.
- Kevin McCallister: What?
- Peter McCallister: You knew how important tonight was to her and you went and pulled a crazy stunt like this!
- Kevin McCallister: That's not the truth.
- Peter McCallister: I gave you a lot of fleeway because I know how tough this divorce's been on you. But tonight, you went way too far. I want you to go to your room and think about what you've done! And when you're ready to apologize to Natalie then we'll talk.
- [Kevin and Prescott are locked in the wine cellar]
- Prescott: Why in heaven's name did you think *I* was the inside man?
- Kevin McCallister: Well, if you hadn't acted so strange, I wouldn't have thought you were... so strange. And where *were* you the first time these guys broke in? Why didn't you answer the intercom? *Why* did you shut off the cameras?
- Prescott: I *didn't*. But if those thugs were using Molly's remote, they could've turned off the whole security system.
- Kevin McCallister: But why did you say I was lying?
- Prescott: Well, because I thought you *were*. And, besides, I didn't want Miss Natalie to know that I'd been, um... well... napping on the job. That woman. If she could work me 24 hours a day, she would. It's downright inhuman. So whenever she's not here, I...
- Kevin McCallister: You take advantage?
- Prescott: I take a break. A nice, well-deserved break. And, with all the cameras and intercoms turned off, I didn't notice anything, so I...
- Kevin McCallister: You were covering your "Whoo-hoo."
- Prescott: [chuckles] Precisely.
- [Natalie is horrified to see her house has been flooded; Kevin stands at the bottom of the stairs]
- Kevin McCallister: OK, I know it looks bad, but...
- [Natalie screams; Peter comes running in behind her]
- Peter McCallister: Honey, what's the--?
- [looks down as he stands in ankle-deep water; Natalie gasps uncontrollably]
- Peter McCallister: Kevin, what--? What have you... done?
- Natalie: [rapidly dials the intercom] Prescott! *Prescott*!
- Kevin McCallister: It's not working. I tried.
- Prescott: [over the intercom] Yes, ma'am?
- [Kevin looks shocked]
- Natalie: Get out here! *Now*!
- Kevin McCallister: Well, it *wasn't* working.
- Peter McCallister: Kevin, what happened?
- Kevin McCallister: It wasn't me. It was the *burglars*.
- Peter McCallister: The burglars?
- Kevin McCallister: Yeah. And I recognised the one guy, Marv. Did I ever tell you about him? Well, that's another story, but the point *is*, they were gonna rip off your house!
- Natalie: So you chose instead to trash it?
- Kevin McCallister: No, I was trying to protect it!
- Natalie: By trashing it?
- Prescott: [wading through the water] What in the name of--?
- Kevin McCallister: Hey! Why didn't you come when I was calling you?
- Natalie: Prescott, were you aware of any burglars here today?
- Prescott: Burglars?
- [looks at Kevin, then back to Natalie]
- Prescott: No, ma'am. All the alarms were on, as usual.
- Kevin McCallister: Well, maybe they turned them off!
- [holds up a remote]
- Kevin McCallister: They had one of these, you know.
- Prescott: I saw no intruders, and except for-- Beg pardon, ma'am-- the briefest of bathroom breaks, my eyes were on the monitors at all times.
- [Kevin shakes his head]
- Prescott: How one child could do so much damage in the time it took me to-- Well, it-it's quite beyond me.
- Kevin McCallister: It wasn't me!
- Prescott: Well, there was no one *else* here!
- Kevin McCallister: He's lying!
- Prescott: Am not!
- Kevin McCallister: Are too!
- Prescott: Am *not*!
- Kevin McCallister: *Are too*!
- Prescott: [to Peter] With all due respect, sir, I *did* see Master Kevin playing with the devices as if the house were a big toy!
- [Natalie gasps]
- Prescott: The only hooligan here today was your son.
- [Natalie hyperventilates]
- Peter McCallister: Give us a minute.
- Marv Merchants: [watching Molly through binoculars] She's out of the house. All right, the coast is clear. Let's go.
- Vera: Wait. Are you sure it's safe?
- Marv Merchants: Pumpkin, would I take you in there if it wasn't safe?
- Vera: It's just if the prince don't arrive till tomorrow, why are we going in *there now*?
- Marv Merchants: To get the lay of the land. What do you think, Vera? We're just gonna go in there tomorrow and start grabbing kids? "Ooh! Everybody, get in the van!" *No*! We gotta figure out the where, the when, *how* to get him outta there. You know the secret to criminal success.
- Vera: Not getting caught?
- Marv Merchants: [rubs his forehead] *Planning*! Preparation, preparedness, be prepared, be a prepared preparator! That's my motto, and that's why I'm...?
- Vera: A Boy Scout.
- Marv Merchants: No, the boss! Who's the boss?
- Vera: You are.
- Marv Merchants: *Where's* the boss?
- Vera: Right here.
- Marv Merchants: Hey, boss! Party of one?
- Vera: [pats Marv's cheek] Right there!
- Marv Merchants: All right. Let's go, Pookie.
- [kisses her]
- [floor covered in water]
- Kevin McCallister: House, clean yourself up.
- [nothing happens]
- Kevin McCallister: Well, it was worth a try.
- Marv Merchants: [Vera and Marv enter Kevin's room, which appears deserted]
- [whispering]
- Marv Merchants: I think there's somebody here.
- Vera: [yells] Anybody in here?
- Marv Merchants: No, not now. Shhhh.
- Vera: You shhhhhhhh.
- Marv Merchants: SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.