- Narrator - Adult Oliver: I realized whenever Coach wanted to insult you he would call you by a certain junk food he was craving.
- Narrator - Adult Oliver: An old proverb goes, "Bring me the boy at 10 and I'll show you the man he will one day become."
- [Jerry has just walked in on Ted making out with an African-American girl]
- Jerry Beene: What have you got to say for yourself?
- Ted Beene: Don't you people ever knock?
- Narrator - Adult Oliver: Black, white, or Martian green, one thing is for sure: a bunch of kids pouring gasoline into a rocket is never a good idea.
- Narrator: Last time Dad drank gin, he spent all of the next day in the can.
- [Jerry is head-first in a trash can]