Die, Mommie, Die! (2003)

Stark Sands: Lance Sussman

Photos 

Quotes 

• Lance Sussman : Buster, if you want any singin' outta me, you better haul out that bratwurst and spread some mustard on it.

• Lance Sussman : [Lance, unexpectedly home from college, has hidden behind the stairs and jumps up and scares Angela]  Arrrrh!

  Angela Arden : Lance! You scared the bejesus out of me!

  Lance Sussman : [Chuckling]  Kiss me, you beautiful creature.

  Lance Sussman : [Upon kissing Lance on the lips]  Do I smell pot?

  Lance Sussman : Gee, mom, you got me on that one.

  Angela Arden : Listen, baby, I'm not one of your friends' square old ladies. I toured with a band. I'm quite familiar with reefer, and fully acquainted with its dangers.

  Lance Sussman : You're the coolest mom ever!

  Angela Arden : What are you doing home from school?

  Lance Sussman : The anti-war demonstration... yeah! Students took over the president's office, they sent the rest of us kids home.

  Angela Arden : [Somewhat skeptical]  Oh, really?

  Lance Sussman : My friend Ruth... gave the associate dean a saltwater enema.

  Angela Arden : I need a drink.

  Angela Arden : [Pouring drinks]  Scotch for me, Pepsi for you.

  Lance Sussman : Mom!

  Angela Arden : Oh, I suppose a "splash" of bourbon won't kill ya'!

• Sol Sussman : [At the dinner table: Lance is toying with his soup, blowing on spoonfuls of it, but not actually eating it. Sol looks on, increasingly annoyed]  Lance, just DRINK the goddamned soup!

  Lance Sussman : Sorry, daddy.

  Angela Arden : [Addressing Lance in a "secret language," apparently understood only by she and Lance. Subtitles provide the translation]  I don't blame you. The soup stinks.

  Lance Sussman : [Replying in the same "secret language"]  It smell like dirty socks.

  Angela Arden : [Again using the "secret language"]  Bootsie cuts your dad's socks up and throws them in the soup.

  Sol Sussman : [Angela and Lance chuckle over their secret joking. Sol, enraged, gets up and lunges at Lance]  God DAMMIT! You eat normal, or we're gonna' shut you away in an institution!

  Lance Sussman : No, daddy, don't...

  Angela Arden : How dare you speak to your son like that!

  Sol Sussman : I'm ashamed to have such a son.

  Angela Arden : [Contemptuously]  The "great man"! The "conscience" of the Industry! How about a little sympathy and tolerance for your own family?

  Sol Sussman : I have NO sympathy for you, baby. And none for him, either.

  [Sol glares pointedly at Lance] 

  Sol Sussman : My son, the Loser!

  Lance Sussman : YOU'RE the Loser! The FLOP!

  Angela Arden : [Enraged, Sol slaps Lance across the face and Lance gets up and runs out of the room. Angela gets up and looks after Lance in dismay]  Lance...

  Sol Sussman : [All the commotion has upset the family's twin Pekinese dogs, whose noisy barking can be heard in the background. This enrages Sol even more]  Monsters! They get put to sleep tomorrow! Sit down, Angela... SIT DOWN!

• Angela Arden : [Back at the house: Angela has just kicked Tony Parker out. Lance and Edith sit nearby]  And that goes for all of you. I'm clearin' out the dead wood.

  Angela Arden : [She pauses to pour herself a large tumbler of bourbon]  This is as good a time as any to announce that I'm selling the house to the first bidder.

  Edith Sussman : You wouldn't!

  Angela Arden : Edith, I don't want to hear a word about it. I am sick and tired of living my life for others. This is a time for Angela Arden. This time it's for me, for Me, for ME!

  Lance Sussman : But mother...

  Angela Arden : [Ignoring Edith's and Lance's protests]  I hate this house, I hate these walls, I hate that sofa... The only part of this dump that doesn't make me puke is that door, because that's the way I'm gettin' out.

  Edith Sussman : You can't sell this house.

  Angela Arden : I'm bringing down these walls around us. To quote the kids in the ghetto, "Burn, baby, burn!"

  [She tosses her tumbler of bourbon into the fire: a large plume of fire flashes up] 

• Lance Sussman : [With Edith at a table in a diner]  Edie, aren't you gonna' eat your cole slaw?

  Edith Sussman : It's time you faced the truth: our mother murdered our father.

  Lance Sussman : Hold the coleslaw...

  Edith Sussman : She poisoned him.

  Lance Sussman : He died of a heart attack.

  Edith Sussman : Oh, many rich old men that die of heart attacks are really the victims of arsenic poisoning. Tony told me so.

  Lance Sussman : When did he tell you that?

  Edith Sussman : It doesn't matter.

  Lance Sussman : Well, Bootsie told me she was with the coroner when he performed the autopsy. There was no trace of arsenic in his stomach.

  Edith Sussman : What if mother was clever and found another way to slip him the arsenic? A method devised to bypass the digestive track?

  Lance Sussman : I'm confused...

  Edith Sussman : The night daddy died he was complaining of constipation. The doctor prescribed a powerful suppository. Suppose mother found a way of tampering with the laxative?

  Edith Sussman : I don't believe it.

  Edith Sussman : You are Sol Sussman's only son. It's up to you to avenge his death!

  Lance Sussman : What do you want me to do?

  Edith Sussman : Kill mother!

  Lance Sussman : No!

  [Lance jumps up and runs out] 

• Edith Sussman : [In a public bathroom: Lance has taken cover in one of the stalls, while Edith is in the outer part of the bathroom, trying to find him and talk to him]  Lance, why can't you accept the fact that mother is a murderess and a whore?

  Edith Sussman : [Apparently Edith has been talking to the wrong stall: an unknown man comes out, causing Edith to walk further down the row, looking underneath each stall for a sign of Lance]  Lance... it's no use hiding from me OR the truth. Lance!

  Lance Sussman : Leave me alone! I'm not listening to you.

  Edith Sussman : You will listen!

  Lance Sussman : Leave me alone. My head... it's pounding, pounding.

  Edith Sussman : Yes, it's pounding. Sometimes it feels like there's an atom bomb inside your head that's waitin' to go "pow!"

  Lance Sussman : Get OUT of here!

  Edith Sussman : It's time you heard the truth. Daddy said it was the drugs. The pill-popping that mother did during the pregnancy that made you the way you are.

  Lance Sussman : Leave me alone.

  Edith Sussman : [Lance and Edith are now over at the sink area, where Lance splashes his face with water]  There was something wrong with your brain. Made you a little "slow." Made it hard for you to understand things.

  Lance Sussman : [Confused]  What?

  Edith Sussman : Don't you see? It's not your fault, it's HERS... because mom was so selfish and evil that she wouldn't give up her precious sleeping pills.

  Edith Sussman : [Unknown man approaches sink area; Edith snarls at him]  Fuck off!

  Edith Sussman : Lance, she destroyed you. She turned your brains into mush. Into creamed spinach.

  Lance Sussman : She didn't... It's not true! YOU'RE the bitch! YOU'RE the one I'd like to kill!

  [Lance runs from the restroom]